Siri, the iPhone Doomsayer

Siri is a great little application. Siri can find you the closest military surplus or book an appointment with your psychologist. Why not doomsaying?

"When is Armageddon?"
 Siri: I'm not aware of any meetings about Armageddon.



Sleepy Village of the Mayan Apocalypse

There is a way to survive the Mayan gods, vengful aliens, and/or Mayan prodictions of Earth's conjuction with the center of the universe: relocate your family to Bugarach, France. Yep, that's the story!

Why would anyone think that surviving the Mayan apocalypse is best done in France? We think its baguettes. Baguettes are those long bread things that France is famous for. If you have ever had a baguette, you know that those things are wonderful fresh out of the oven, but an hour later they can be used as a replacement for diamond. They are your best defense against asteroids, demons and Mayan gods.


Apocalyptic Waffles

Ah waffles. The great thing about waffles are the little holes that hold the syrup and other goodness. Without those wonderful holes, waffles would just be square pancakes.

Waffles are also great because of the term: waffling. Wikipedia says that waffling was originally "defined as language without meaning; blathering, babbling, droning." You know it as nonsense. Also according to Wikipedia, the term waffling comes from originally from: "waff[1], a 17th-century onomatopoeia for the sound a barking dog makes, similar to the modern woof. Although the relationship between a dog's bark and indecisiveness is unclear, the inference is that waffle words have about as much meaning as the noise made by a dog barking."

Yes, waffling means 'barking nonsense'.

Waffling also means changing your mind to curry favor. Politicians waffle as often as the public opinion poles change. Waffling is about popularity. The best way to win an election is to appear to have the same opinion as a majority of your constituents. But that's a subject to cover in The Boys Book of Politics, commming soon. We want to use waffling today to talk about Cognitive dissonance.

Cognitive dissonance, is when the brain figures out it is an idiot and takes action. There are only two types of action, either you accept you are an idiot or you come up with some reason to defend remaining an idiot. No matter how much evidence is against your world view, you come up with some rationalization that lets you feel ok with being an idiot and having the same beliefs.

You might wonder why someone would rationalize their continuing to be an idiot. The answer is simple: We don't want to look like idiots. Soft of like eating waffles when you are type II diabetic. Waffles are bad for you, but that's ok because they taste so good!

In other, and totally unrelated to waffle news, Harold Camping says the Apocalypse he predicted with much hand waving was invisible. Sort of like the Grand Convergence of the planets and other predicted ends of the world, it isn't about what happens, rather how you feel when the world doesn't actually end. Harold calls it a "spiritual' apocalypse.

If May 21st 2011 isn't an apocalypse you can touch, when do we get the real 3D experience of the end of the world? According to Harold, October 21, 2011. Four months from now, we can all skip paying the utility bills, not show up to work, or leave the toilet seat up. nobody will care because nobody will be on Earth.

Here at Boys Books, we think the world ending in October, instead of May, is a good thing. We now have four months to eat those delectable waffles.


CDC and the Zombie Apocalypse

Hooray! The CDC has just started an awareness campain to prepair the public for a Zombie Apocalypse. Here's where you can get more info at the CDC.

We think this is good news. It means that you have a chance! Just stock up on canned food, water, have a first aid kit and a plan. Of course it helps to have a herding dog. Herding dogs don't bite their flock. Herding zombies with a sheep dog is safer for you and your dog.

Sadly the CDC fails to point out this very important information. That's ok, just order our book and listen to the CDC for further details

If you're    ready for a zombie apocalypse, then you're ready for any emergency.    emergency.cdc.gov

Get A Kit, Make A Plan, Be Prepared. emergency.cdc.gov
If you're ready for a zombie apocalypse, then you're ready for any emergency. emergency.cdc.gov

I survived May 21. 2011

Hooray! I am damned. Too bad everyone else is too.

Everyone on the Earth today, including the great Harold Camping, seems to be 'left behind'.

That's good news because there is still time for you to read my book. Here is the final cover!


May 21st, 2011: Christians, please send me your money

Yes, we are close to another end of the world. This time the doomsayer is Harold Camping. According to his math, the end of the world starts May 21st, 2011. At that time, all the good Christians will be instantly in Heaven and the rest of us will be left behind.

To make things easier, please contact me as soon as possible to turn over all your money, homes, cars, boats, etc. As you will soon be in Heaven, you won't need any of these things. We here at Boys Books Publishing are fairly sure we are out of luck and could really use your stuff during the end times.

You might ask, "Why should I give a sinner all my stuff?" Well, think of it as 1) a sign of your faith that you are so sure that the end is upon us, you are willing to take out a bet of all your wealth. 2) All the sinners are going to die in very messy and tortuous ways, and it will be even worse if we are so obviously greedy by owning your stuff. 3) Donating to your church or cult is silly because everyone else you know will be in Heaven anyway.

We are also happy to adopt and care for your animals too. God has no room for pets, just the deformed monsters you read about in Revelation. If your pet isn't a sheep with many eyes inside and out, why not keep them safe by signing over your goods now along with your pets. That way we will have a few resources to care for your pets.

The end is near! Please act as soon as possible so that the check clears before the 21st!!!

Dangerous Airwaves: Harold Camping Refuted and Christ's Church Defended


Bruce the Doomsayer on History Channel

Bruce Bueno de Mesquita (Bruce the Good Mosquito), gets credited on Brad Meltzer's Decoded: 2012 for predicting that the world will end in 2012. Once again, the History Channel does not seem to be able to actually talk to the man. We believe he is in a CIA bunker.

We were finally able to hear Bruce's voice, but at TED. Here is the video:Bruce Bueno de Mesquita predicts Iran's future | Video on TED.com. Not exactly doomsaying, but interesting. There is another video on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart that is at least funny.

We just ordered Bruce's last book: The Predictioneer's Game: Using the Logic of Brazen Self-Interest to See and Shape the Future. There is a lot of info in this book that would let you do what Bruce does, predict doom. We have our own end of the world prediction software half written!

Oddly, the key part of Bruce's technique is game theory. We would have preferred pseudoscience or religion. We would have been happy with throwing the finger bones of a hanged man too. This math stuff gets in the way of fear, uncertainty, and doubt you need for proper doomsaying. How do you get people to run naked and screaming in the streets when the result is 2.3.


Spilt Llama Milk

In the blog, Science Not Fiction, the author talks about the Mayan end of the world scenario being upset by the new evidence that the end of the Mayan calendar is wrong. In fact they stated: “Sorry if that hurts book or video sales.” Well, I thought they were talking about me, so this is what I wrote to them:

Apology accepted! But don’t cry over spilt llama milk or overcooked Guinea pigs, the Mayan calendar extending 50 years or so will be a boon. That’s 50 years more of second guessing!
If the Mayan calendar is already over, that just means the Christians and other cults can own the end of the world.
I’d prefer vengeful aliens myself. Seeing really cool aliens in my final moments would be a great way to end the world. Much more fun and like the movies, a hero will likely save us. With Mayans and Bibles, your odds are not nearly as good.
So far my book sales have been great. I have not sold any copies, still in the throws of final edits, but that’s pretty good sales considering. Nearly as good as the odds of a massive solar flare or the explosive release of methane from the arctic permafrost or a cat vectored Pneumonia – I expect the media (Fox) to call it Pnurrmonia.
I hope the end of the world be interesting! Something to tell your grandkids.
It is always great to post comments to blogs. It gives us a warm fuzzy to imagine that anyone reads the comments.

Ending the World, May 21st, 2011 Again!

There are so many doomsayers. Today we bring back an old date with a new baby-boomer (add that to your urban dictionary). Allison Warden, does her doomsaying from a Subaru. My guess is that you need the all-wheel-drive to get to Heaven. 

Allison is not the originator of doom, just a follow of the master doomsayer, Harold Camping. Remember Harold? We have written about him before. Harold was one-upping the Mayans with his date to end the world a bit earlier.

I read about Allison at The Washington Post. Josh Shaffer wrote about her in a great piece that I am sure will get a pulitzer. Of course, only if the world really does end. You have to get a posthumous Pulitzer if you interviewed a doomsayer that was correctly predicting the end of the world, right?

Anyway, we decided to head to the website that Allison was pushing by having it in huge letters of her white Subaru. Head to http://www.wecanknow.com and let us know what you think.

We saw all the books and general doomsaying and decided that they seem to have their act together. So much so, we thought they would be a great source of information and decided to ask a few questions. Here is the letter we sent:

I am writing a book on the end of the world and Armageddon. It is called, "The Boy's Book of Armageddon".  I really believe that there is a great need for the young to understand that they will never grow older and the reasons why. 
I was wondering if you would comment on your own experience writing about the end of the world. 
In particular, how do you deal with the comments from children? What if they are afraid they will not be chosen? 
What's your message when people see the end of the world as an excuse for shedding their mortal coil early?
In a similar way, do you find that there is a tendency to procrastinate and just wait for May, 2011 and not fulfill their earthly obligations?
In terms of your prediction that the world will end in fire, do you base this on God's covenant to Noah that flooding will no longer be used as a device to eliminate the Godless heathens? Or, is your concept based on the various violent scenarios in the New Testament? 
Your opinions are important to me. Thank you for your time. 

We will update you when they reply.


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