Twittering the Asteroid Appocolypse

Ah, technology. That sweet, sweet smell of electronically delivered panic to your computer or even your iPhone. At long last, you can now get a twitter feed of asteroids and be the first in your office to know when the killer asteroid is coming our way.

The folks at NASA now have a twitter account for announcing asteroid tracks. Here is the link:

Better yet, why not get the new asteroiod widget for your Mac? Not only do you know what ateroids are out there, but you also get a handy guide to how big they are. For example, August 8th 2009, there will be an asteroid passing us the size of a four story building! That's putting the gravity of the situation right on the old Apple!


A Lack of Comets

I follow a lot of end of the world news. That's what we do here. Sadly though, things are just not getting bad, they are getting less bad. The economic Armageddon is sputtering, Obama isn't the socialism antichrist, and Bush... Well, Bush can't press the button anymore (we had such high hopes!!!). Now it is comets here or rather not here to disappoint us.

Thanks to a news blog out at our friends of Discovery.com, comets have been found to be less likely to kill us. Let's get busy with the key quote: "A comet from the deep space far beyond Pluto probably won’t smash into the Earth and obliterate all life." Isn't that just terrible?

Just so you don't have to follow the link, let me explain. Scientists ran computer simulations that showed that the odds of a comet hitting us is low. How low? About 3 hits for a half billion years of waiting. Worse still, these are probably not even big hits, just wimpy snowballs.

How come we don't get any comet joy? Well, Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune, and Uranus tend to eat comets. Jupiter probably gobbled up one just recently and was caught busy munching on a comet in 2000.

There is a possibility that these calculations are wrong. Scientists used computers to do the calculation. Perhaps this is our future computer overlords very logical method of pulling the wool over our eyes so that when the big comet hits they have less work to do to subjugate humanity.

I guess we need to look to green fields again for ways the world could end. My new theory is that Glenn Beck of Fox News is the Antichrist. I hear he is a Mormon, so kind of dodgy in the religion department. Combine the letters of the name 'and' Fox New and you get 616 (616 is the actual number of the beast according to recent discoveries). He does work for Fox News and they supported the last candidate for being the Antichrist (or several if you squint). Sorry Glenn, without a good comet you are the only show in town.


Now Illegal in Ireland: Religion

In Ireland, it is now illegal to write/publish/speak anything critical of religion. In fact, there is a 25,000 Euro fine for each offense.

According to their definition “Blasphemous matter” is “that is grossly abusive or insulting in relation to matters held sacred by any religion, thereby causing outrage among a substantial number of the adherents of that religion; and he or she intends, by the publication of the matter concerned, to cause such outrage.”

Although Richard Dawkins is up in arms about this, the law sort of creates a stalemate. Most, if not all true religions (true as in taking tax write-offs verses those found in a mental ward) are blasphemous to other religions.

So, the teachings of Christians is blasphemous to Islam and vis versa and so on. If you count the Atheists, with their cult of the Flying Spaghetti Monster or the Celestial Teapots is insulting to everyone else. Strangely as a right of those that 'believe' in Atheism (a true religion based on it's non-profit status), it is a basic tenet of their religion to be blasphemous of other religions.

You have the right first to be religious. That means you have the right to be blasphemous of all but your religion. But you can't be blasphemous of another religion because that might make someone mad. Q.E.D. religion has been outlawed by Ireland.

One could hope that Ireland's government would be sucked into a black hole of contradictions. No such luck. Sadly most elected officials deny the existence of black holes - I base this on their budgets and campaign promises.

What does this all mean? Well, there go the publishing rights for my book in Ireland. Even humor books are considered a spoiler for some religions.

I'll also avoid any travel to the Emerald Isle as they can use any reasonable force and confiscation of such materials to enforce this law. There would be storm troopers awaiting my arrival donning rubber gloves and and evil smile. Ultimately the greatest loss: Kissing the Blarney Stone is now off my bucket list.

I'd use a little profanity, but I hear that's blasphemous too.


Penn and Teller - Bullshit! - End of the World Video

Here is a video I referenced in the earlier blog entry. I love this show! I want to point out again that Teller never denies that the world will end.

Penn and Teller - Bullshit! - End of the World

Penn and Teller - Bullshit! - End of the World

Armageddon Bullshit? Teller isn't saying!

Just when you thought it was safe to watch TV, Penn and Teller start calling the 2012 end of the world "bullshit". Damn.

Death by solar flares, planet X, and Mayan princesses are apparently all bullshit. It has to be, because Penn said so. In fact, he said so in earlier episodes of the show.

Teller is silent on the subject. He is very wise.

Because I respect Teller's wisdom, I think there is still hope for the end of the world. Teller and I see eye to eye, at least in the height department. In fact, I did meet both Teller and Penn in Las Vegas so I've seen those eyes and their height.

So, for Teller, the book and the blog go on. The end of the world is still coming and so is my book, The Boys Book of Armageddon.

The good news is that Penn didn't blow any holes in other ways the world will end. The Mayans be damned (by Penn), but they are just a little end compared to the other nasties out there. My money is still on dog farts, but there are many other ends we can all cower from.

Long live the end of the world! Bullshit be damned!


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