A Lack of Comets

I follow a lot of end of the world news. That's what we do here. Sadly though, things are just not getting bad, they are getting less bad. The economic Armageddon is sputtering, Obama isn't the socialism antichrist, and Bush... Well, Bush can't press the button anymore (we had such high hopes!!!). Now it is comets here or rather not here to disappoint us.

Thanks to a news blog out at our friends of Discovery.com, comets have been found to be less likely to kill us. Let's get busy with the key quote: "A comet from the deep space far beyond Pluto probably won’t smash into the Earth and obliterate all life." Isn't that just terrible?

Just so you don't have to follow the link, let me explain. Scientists ran computer simulations that showed that the odds of a comet hitting us is low. How low? About 3 hits for a half billion years of waiting. Worse still, these are probably not even big hits, just wimpy snowballs.

How come we don't get any comet joy? Well, Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune, and Uranus tend to eat comets. Jupiter probably gobbled up one just recently and was caught busy munching on a comet in 2000.

There is a possibility that these calculations are wrong. Scientists used computers to do the calculation. Perhaps this is our future computer overlords very logical method of pulling the wool over our eyes so that when the big comet hits they have less work to do to subjugate humanity.

I guess we need to look to green fields again for ways the world could end. My new theory is that Glenn Beck of Fox News is the Antichrist. I hear he is a Mormon, so kind of dodgy in the religion department. Combine the letters of the name 'and' Fox New and you get 616 (616 is the actual number of the beast according to recent discoveries). He does work for Fox News and they supported the last candidate for being the Antichrist (or several if you squint). Sorry Glenn, without a good comet you are the only show in town.