Have they found me out?

The New Scientist is showing that they are prejudiced against the shortcut thinkers of this world with the latest opinion piece: How to spot a hidden religious agenda.  Why can't they leave pseudoscientists alone?

I find this sort of pseudoscience witch hunt to be offensive. Especially to witches! What happened to the good old days when we used to hunt witches? Now we hunt a lot of other stuff and the net result is no marshmallow roast. When are people going to get it through their thick  heads that only witches burn well enough to roast marshmallows!

I can make up anything I want and call it science. Sure it's science fiction and fantasy science flavored science, but it uses that science word, right? Same goes for those other greats, like Nostradamus or John of Patmos. Sometimes we need to believe that this is real so that we write better. 

You just can't make a buck as a doomsayer if you use real science. Erich von Däniken couldn't have been a best selling author by disproving aliens built the pyramids. You have to believe you see aliens or all you see is boring reality.

I'd go on and on about this. However I have another appointment and a bag of marshmallows that need to be roasted.

uTube and Armageddon

I love uTube. Full of interesting information. In this video we see the power of modern day doomsayers. You can put together some public domain news clips and a voice over to create a great vision of doom. Isn't technology a wonderful thing?

An Open Letter to the History Channel

Dear History Channel,

Subject: Programming

I notice that you spend a lot of time covering possible apocalyptic events and doomsayers, both religious and scientific.

This seems sort of odd. Isn't that future history? Worse is the fact that it is so scary that it making me mess my pants!

Why do you have to scare the living excrement out of us? I know it is sweeps week, but aren't you crying wolf, being Chicken Little, and giving a bit too much air time to crooks, idiots, charlatans, and leaders of damaging cults?

Even the stuff from scientists is a bit over the top. Just because a scientist says that Revelations' references to seas of blood could be red tide is no reason to give credit to such garbage.

How can you sleep at night? How would you like it if we changed your educational channels to play nothing but the Christian Broadcast Network?

At least give equal time to good comedians to make fun of this tripe. You shouldn't just have naysayers of doomsayers, you need good clean comedy to show how ridiculous this stuff is. It is the only way you are going to stop the damage to humanity.

Are you not afraid that by labeling this as history that your own children will believe this?

I know I will only hear the standard, "we got your message". Nothing is going to happen and your programming isn't going to change. I can only dream of my ultimate revenge that all this tripe about the end of the word is actually true and you are the first to get yours.

Thanks for the attention and your other great programming. Love your new show, UFO Hunters!!!

Twenty percent chance of Armageddon and three inches of snow on Monday

The end of the world news gets stranger every day. Here is another article of doom that I found via Google News:

20% chance of Armageddon - Mott

Chris Salih - 26-Feb-2009

http://www.moneymarketing.co.uk/cgi-bin/item.cgi?id=181645&d=340&h=341&f=342

I'm not sure who this Mott guy is, but he in in the UK and and seems to have studied Armageddon. I wonder though. Armageddon is a place, not an event. Apocalypse is the event, not the place. So either this guy has his wires crossed and his analysis is screwy or those folks giving tours of  Mount of Megiddo are piddling into the wind because they are on a hill that only has 20% chance of actually existing. One day you are standing on possibly very historical real estate and the next you are a pile of broken bones on the plains of the valley below. 

Reminds me of a physics professor I had at university (Cal Poly Pomona). He was one of the odd ones that always wore wool gloves without the fingertips. Not terribly odd, those gloves, but it was Southern California. Yep, he was somewhat odd. Anyway he spent a lot of time talking about atoms, quantum froth and how we could just disappear because our atoms wanted to be someplace down the street. Yep he was very odd. 

Anyhow, perhaps that is what is up with this place the scholars think may be Armageddon. If Armageddon has only 20% chance, maybe its atoms will just decide to be someplace else? Or they may just cease to exist. The problem is that either is possible. If Schrodenger's cat can die or not die at the same time, Armageddon can decide to disappear of it really want to.

You might ask how the logic of this makes sense. Well, it makes more sense than the Texas Rangers not making it to the World Series every year. Makes even more sense than the fact that the World Series does not include the 'world', just the US and Canada. It makes tons and tons of sense more than Paris Hilton being famous. 

Mott is an economist, so whatever he said was quite a load of incoherent nonsense. Sort of sounded like, "blah, blah, 20%  chance of Armageddon, blah, blah." But it is interesting for that little moment when he said something while I was actually listening. 

Maybe we need to introduce Paris Hilton to quantum froth and see what happens...

More 2012. Score: Humanity 3, Mayans 0.

More news of 2012 is starting to flow. Let's look at three articles today.

Science appears to contradict Mayan 2012 doomsday

By DESMOND LAWE

http://www.northernstar.info/article/6622/

Oh dear. You can tell form the tittle that things are not looking good for the Mayans. Here they were, getting ready for the end of the world, and then nothing. I hate it when that happens. Happeed to me in 2000. Afraid to go party and stayed home with my weapons and canned food. According to the article, the best hopes are a planetary/galactic alignment that will tear the Earth apart. Sorry all debunked by the article. 

I can still hope that the Mayan gods are listening. What is prophesy without fulfillment? Yeah there will be a great party in 2012, but who wants to live through the next day's hangover?

I find it silly that you need any type of astronomy for a god to come down and destroy the Earth. Look at Star Trek for all the examples you need. All that is required is a super being or a really big bomb or both. As long as you don't have Spock or Kirk to foil your plans, you are golden. Given that old Trek was canceled decades ago and that they were only fictional characters anyway, the Mayan gods can just wipe out the Earth without a peep from us.  

On to the next article:

Geologists Debunk Apocalyptic Prophecy

Pole Shift Gains Popularity; Science Clashes with Society

February 25, 2009 By Leigha Kemmett

http://cornellsun.com/node/35108

More bad news. Possibilities of the magnetic poles shifting is debunked along with other theories. Of course these are scientists. They think that just because they can make a car that will go 100,000 miles without a tuneup, that they can predict the behavior of Mayan gods. Hubris I say! 

Why write "The Boy's Book of Armageddon"?

I get asked a lot about why I wrote the The Boy's Book of Armageddon. The simple answer is that the whole idea is just funny.

Yes, the idea that we will all die horrible deaths is a downer, but you have to see the humor in the very ideas of how the world can end. Not just talking about the actual event, but the doomsayers, the signs, the preperations, and even what to do if you happen to survive.

It really doesn't matter one bit that the world will end right now... Well, not now... Not now either, but if it does. What matters is that people are always talking about the end of the world. Scientists, religions, and the crazy are all trying to make their case for the end of the world. Why fight it? Why not make fun of it?

My book, as is this blog, is educational. I know a lot of interesting facts and even have very important advice that you may benefit from. Some disasters are real as are some cults that damage the gullible every day. Why not understand how cults can make even scientists become gullible sheep willing to drink the cool-aid? There are also interesting facts about science, religion, and even marketing.

But the first principal is humor. We could get hit by a killer comet tomorrow or the biblical end times could magically start, but why not laugh now while you've got a moment?

Link of the day: Self-fulfilling Prophecy

Today's link is Self-fulfilling Prophecy:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-fulfilling_prophecy

This notion of Self-fulfilling Prophecy is  like mixing a needle factory and a balloon factory. I'm sure it doen't sound apocolyptic, but it is to the balloons. If balloons had souls... If they believed in the end times... Why not have a field trip to the needle factory and fight the evil pins?

See where I am going with this? Ok, maybe that's a bad example. 

In California, they have politicians labeled Armageddon Republicans (please don't get me started on why there're no Armageddon Democrats). There is an article in the editorial section of the LA Times that is blaming these guys for the financial mess there. The author's opinion is that   Republicans are causing this. Here is a quote from the piece:

A steadfast belief in Armageddon may be self-fulfilling, and California is now witnessing the beginning of the end -- an avoidable economic collapse, as construction projects to build things we need and to inject money into the economy come to a halt, and as Sacramento's ineptitude and Republican intransigence obliterate confidence and dissuade investment.

In other words, why pay for changes, help people, be humanitarians, and be fiscally responsible when we are all going to snuff it at any moment anyway? It is also implied that this is somehow a fight against evil in the final battle. Democrat is synonymous with the devil of course. 

I am apauled that there is even a hint of Armageddon Republicanism. It is just plain wrong headed. It is like suicide and I hear that's a sin. Anything short of going to Mount Megiddo (Armageddon) and only battling those that are clearly marked by their pointy tails, red skin and horns is jumping the gun. 

I hear the end times will be obvious. A world-wide financial crises is not enough to even hint at the return of the Antichrist or any other sign in any other religion or cult. The seas havn't even turned to blood yet! Give me a break! You just as well be Democrats for all the good it would do. Literally! Shame on you!

Armageddon Quotes of the End Days

First is this news story from Canada. It appears that they are pushing for a do or do not aproach to the end of the world.

"It's not the end of the world, unless we want to make it the end of the world."
  - Scott Dudgeon, CEO of the Alzheimer Society of Canada

We also have this great headline:

Gmail fails, signals tech apocalypse

The story on CNet News helps us to understand that we don't need to have an apocalypse all at once. We can do it in stages, with gmail first.

All together, not a bad day for the apocalypse minded. Always good to get a good fright when you read the news with your afternoon tea.

Comets are not our friends

Another comet has passed us by without ending civilization. I know a few people are disappointed comet Lulin failed their dream of disaster. You have to take the good with the bad. At least you can still fear other comets still postmarked for Earth.

It's one thing to be able to see a once in a lifetime view of a comet, quite another to be there when one strikes the Earth right in the nose. It would be cool, don't you think? You couldn't tell your grand kids about the great comet strike, because you'll be dead. But in your last moments, wouldn't it be nice to know you could if you did?

Scientists are also a bit disappointed. A comet strike would be great for science. Of course they would prefer a comet that was small and did not include 'killer of all mankind' in its description. Having a comet come to you is simpler and cheaper than sending a rocket.

We are fairly certain that comets have hit us in the past. Eventually one is going to hit us in the future too. Comets, and especially big comets, are rare and even rarer that they are aimed at the Earth. What a shame for the doomsayers and even the scientists.

Today we will just have to settle for comet Lulin being a sign of doom. Could be a good sign too. Maybe this is a sign that they will finally find Osama bin Laden?

Tisdale says it's "not the end of the world"

Paul Tisdale, the manager for a football team in Exeter, said: "It is certainly not the end of the world." That's good news for the rest of us. Sadly Tisdale is a football manager in the UK, so not sure how much he knows about Revelations or killer asteroids and even bird flu. But I am willing to listen, even though I am an American and we spell it S O C C E R. Then again, maybe he isn't a great authority. Judge for yourself by reading the original This Is Exeter news article.

There is also an audio of the interview at the BBC. The quote is in there. Another interesting bit is about the use of crosses. Though I have never heard of crosses used in the round ball version of football, it could be part of Tisdale's Christian strategy to stop the the end of civilization.

It is important too to note that this interview concerns a game played against Chester City. Is Chester City somehow part of the Antichrist's army? Why were they not playing in Har-Megiddo, the battleground that is referred to in the Bible as Armageddon?

This leaves a good question open to inquiring minds. Why can't we see who wins in the battle of good and evil in a simple football game? Less blood. Well, a little blood, but not so bad that it runs in the streets. Maybe we could have an email/prayer campaign to lobby the doomsayers for a change of venue and rules of engagement? I know Americans generally see what we call soccer as a bit boring., but I am sure they will tune in if they can root for their home teams and possible salvation.

Imagine what kind of advertising rates the networks could charge!

Bird Flu and Doorknobs

I am not afraid of Bird Flu.

Why? Simple: Doorknobs.

Flu germs can live on a doorknob for up to 48 hours. You sneeze on your hands, open a door and that doorknob is now typhoid Mary. So, that is bad. Easy to catch the flu. What about Bird Flu?

Have you ever seen a bird open a door? No hands, right? Not going to happen. They don't even have the ability to sneeze on their hands or wipe their nose. 

Bird Flu is not going to spread from birds sneezing on their hands and opening doors. Case closed. 

Now if the Chinese start tainting bird food like they tainted baby milk, we need to worry. The moment birds start mutating and growing hands... Well, we are deep in the brown stuff that comes out of the back of bulls.  

Tigers laying down with lambs

There are some religons that say that a sign of the end times is when the lion lies down with the lamb. Others point to man living in peace with animals. As far as a sign goes, it is pretty clear and not hard to misinterpret.

I have long held that this is already true. My standard proof was any hollywood trained animal or the odd magic show. We have had wild creatures domesticated and or trained for a very long time. 

Proved it for certain last week. That's me with a tiger. Sure he (she?) was a very full and sleepy tiger taking a nap in the hot afternoon heat of Thailand. But that's me and a wild animal that has every opportunity to disembowel me and further fill that tummy. That qualifies as 'lying down with lamb' don't you think?

This was not the only big cat of the day. There were more than a half dozen others. Here is a photo that proves they were wide awake. Don't let the chains fool you. These are leashes. They are tied down, but there is plenty of room to turn around and get a handy people snack. 

This is Tiger Temple in Thailand. For you Christians, Mormons, and other sects, that means that the one place where tigers are laying down with lambs is in a Buddhist monastery. 

Sorry, but you gotta take your fulfilled prophecies where you can. Just because another religion/philosophy does it for you does not diminish the signs. Again, sorry about that.

This was actually my second visit to this temple. It is an interesting place where you can find over a dozen different types of wild and domesticated  animals plus man living in peace together. I highly recommend it as a destination. It is something you will never forget.

So, the end times are here. Thank you Buddha!

Are you ready for the end?

This is my first blog of the end times. The end is already here, or at least around the corner. 

I don't want you to think I am some religious nut. I am more of an Almond Joy sort of juicy candy with a nutty crunch. This is high comedy, horrible puns, and just plain wacky writing about the end of the world in all shapes forms, sizes, and cults.

This is also about marketing. To be a prophet of doom or professional doomsayer, you need marketing. Lots of marketing. I am about to publish a book, go on a speaking tour, be a guest on TV, radio, church gatherings, and all the rest. I need to get cracking to spread the word, even if it's about how your life may end by vengeful gods, a nut job with a home biology lab, or a killer comet. 

So watch this space. While you are here, let me know about how you think the world will end. I will be giving out free copies of my book as prizes.