Comet ISON: Panic Now in Progress

You heard it here first, Comet ISON is coming to our Earth. Comets have long been feared, though never successful in their threats, the panic is still very real. You are about to get flooded with news from the comet doomsayers and anti-doomsayers.

Comets need to be bright to be feared, and ISON will be very very bright. You should be able to see it during the day. so that means not only will insomniacs be panicking, so will those of us stuck in traffic because of accidents caused by rubbernecking amateur astronomers that can't multitask texting, driving and comet observing.

The real fun is when it starts raining comet! You heard right, comet rain. The Earth will bump into ISON's tail and we will get a slow rain of ISON stuff. This is much different than shooting stars we see because of comet dust burning up in our atmosphere. This comet fluff will be gently dropping into our atmosphere. The chicken littles will be out in force to tell us that poison and diseases will safely reach Earth and kill us all.

Seeds or spores from space is one of the popular theories. Imagine millions of seeds blown across the galaxy and hitching a ride on a comet. When the Earth passes through the comet's tail, seeds of shambling carnivorous alien plants will start sprouting (see the documentary, Day of the Triffids).These alien visitors will be roaming the countryside looking for souvenirs to take back to their home planet. Thousands will die from triffid tourist rage as they are cranky vacationers. The carnage will continue until a scientist figures out how to kill them with shaving cream and a paddle ball.

Disease will be the scariest of all. Alien bacteria is not pretty (read the scholarly paper written by a crack scientist at the Cardiff offices of Torchwood).

Here is a link to the original news about how the comet will cause the deadly rain. The article mentions nothing about death and disease, zombies, or carnivorous plants - we wouldn't expect that, would we? Not an oversight on the reporter's part, just the usual coverup and conspiracy.

Any of your friends work for a media outlet (i.e. reporters or the Daily Show), please tell them about the danger and this blog. More importantly, let them know I am pushing my book and happy to tell them about the latest end of the world.

Today's Experiment: Snotty Comet

In todays experiment, lets prove that comets, though cold as ice (because they are made from ice), can transmit sickness. Here are the steps:

1. Get a few ice cubes.  
2. Contaminate the ice cubes (rub them on your dirty socks, your dog's butt, or just sneeze on them).
3. Put the ice cubes in your sister's ice tea.
4. Wait and observe your sister.

Note, if you sister does not show symptoms right away, just show her these instructions and nod meaningfully in the general direction of her empty glass of tea. She'll get sick soon enough. Wear a rain coat and keep a puke bucket nearby!

World Ended - Too bad, I was on vacation....

The world ended over the weekend. Sorry to tell you so late, but here at Boys Book, we were on vacation in Australia and in particular on the wonderful Kangaroo Island. Kangaroos, wallabies. wombats and extra cute wallabies have protected us down here from the end of the world. If you lived in the northern hemisphere, sorry.

No. really!!! We are sorry! We may have been protected down here, standing on our heads, but in the North, you all didn't even get Armageddon! How unpleasant for you that there were no four horsemen, plagues, torture etc. Just another day.

Jose Luis De Jesus (i.e. the best name for a savior ever), leader of Growing in Grace International Ministry and Jesus impersonator, has already gained super powers and most of the world is dead and doesn't know it.

Mr Jesus, who often dresses as Captain Bang from the Pirates of Penzance
or for a dinner party with black tie required, has been declaring his second coming for quite some time. Unfortunately mostly Mexico and Canada seemed to be the only ones that knew about all of this (Senior Jesus is from Puerto Rico which as you may remember from the Bible is the second holy land). We think the rest of us have been preoccupied with Bird Flu, Mayans, and Harold Camping to be bothered by a Mexican savior named Mr Jesus.

On the other hand, we are impressed. Mr Jesus has some of the best video candy of the coming apocalypse we have ever seen with English subtitles. Take a look at the following video. You'll start drooling for more! We can hardly wait for Mr Jesus to come back for one more curtain call and perhaps a Daytime Emmy award for the best End of Days category. We'd add a Grammy for best ear splitting Germanic opera theme too.

Ten Reasons to be a Survivalist Hoarder

Ten Reasons to be a Survivalist Hoarder

1) Because when you go off your diet, you won't be tempted to eat the cardboard flavored ready-to-eat meals.
2) Finally a reason to use the pool room!
3) What hoard?
4) Your neighbors will have a good source of food after they steal your horde.
5) You can be happy knowing that you have helped an entrepreneur that prays on the fear of borders.
6) When you catch the plague, the piles of supplies will limit your contact with the rest of the world, saving countless lives.
5) The canned Peaches can double as radiation shielding.
4) You'll be 3 months late to Heaven (and or Hell because you weren't worth saving).
3) You'll have three months of food and supplies and three months to live in a world not worth living in.
2) You'll be the envy of your neighbors when everyone on Earth is dead.
1) You can be a star on the show, Doomsday Preppers, on the National Geographic Channel!

Read the book: Boys Book of Armageddon for more great tips! http://BoysBookofArmageddon

Apocalyptic Waffles

Ah waffles. The great thing about waffles are the little holes that hold the syrup and other goodness. Without those wonderful holes, waffles would just be square pancakes.

Waffles are also great because of the term: waffling. Wikipedia says that waffling was originally "defined as language without meaning; blathering, babbling, droning." You know it as nonsense. Also according to Wikipedia, the term waffling comes from originally from: "waff[1], a 17th-century onomatopoeia for the sound a barking dog makes, similar to the modern woof. Although the relationship between a dog's bark and indecisiveness is unclear, the inference is that waffle words have about as much meaning as the noise made by a dog barking."

Yes, waffling means 'barking nonsense'.

Waffling also means changing your mind to curry favor. Politicians waffle as often as the public opinion poles change. Waffling is about popularity. The best way to win an election is to appear to have the same opinion as a majority of your constituents. But that's a subject to cover in The Boys Book of Politics, commming soon. We want to use waffling today to talk about Cognitive dissonance.

Cognitive dissonance, is when the brain figures out it is an idiot and takes action. There are only two types of action, either you accept you are an idiot or you come up with some reason to defend remaining an idiot. No matter how much evidence is against your world view, you come up with some rationalization that lets you feel ok with being an idiot and having the same beliefs.

You might wonder why someone would rationalize their continuing to be an idiot. The answer is simple: We don't want to look like idiots. Soft of like eating waffles when you are type II diabetic. Waffles are bad for you, but that's ok because they taste so good!

In other, and totally unrelated to waffle news, Harold Camping says the Apocalypse he predicted with much hand waving was invisible. Sort of like the Grand Convergence of the planets and other predicted ends of the world, it isn't about what happens, rather how you feel when the world doesn't actually end. Harold calls it a "spiritual' apocalypse.

If May 21st 2011 isn't an apocalypse you can touch, when do we get the real 3D experience of the end of the world? According to Harold, October 21, 2011. Four months from now, we can all skip paying the utility bills, not show up to work, or leave the toilet seat up. nobody will care because nobody will be on Earth.

Here at Boys Books, we think the world ending in October, instead of May, is a good thing. We now have four months to eat those delectable waffles.

I survived May 21. 2011

Hooray! I am damned. Too bad everyone else is too.

Everyone on the Earth today, including the great Harold Camping, seems to be 'left behind'.

That's good news because there is still time for you to read my book. Here is the final cover!

May 21st, 2011: Christians, please send me your money

Yes, we are close to another end of the world. This time the doomsayer is Harold Camping. According to his math, the end of the world starts May 21st, 2011. At that time, all the good Christians will be instantly in Heaven and the rest of us will be left behind.

To make things easier, please contact me as soon as possible to turn over all your money, homes, cars, boats, etc. As you will soon be in Heaven, you won't need any of these things. We here at Boys Books Publishing are fairly sure we are out of luck and could really use your stuff during the end times.

You might ask, "Why should I give a sinner all my stuff?" Well, think of it as 1) a sign of your faith that you are so sure that the end is upon us, you are willing to take out a bet of all your wealth. 2) All the sinners are going to die in very messy and tortuous ways, and it will be even worse if we are so obviously greedy by owning your stuff. 3) Donating to your church or cult is silly because everyone else you know will be in Heaven anyway.

We are also happy to adopt and care for your animals too. God has no room for pets, just the deformed monsters you read about in Revelation. If your pet isn't a sheep with many eyes inside and out, why not keep them safe by signing over your goods now along with your pets. That way we will have a few resources to care for your pets.

The end is near! Please act as soon as possible so that the check clears before the 21st!!!

Dangerous Airwaves: Harold Camping Refuted and Christ's Church Defended

Ending the World, May 21st, 2011 Again!

There are so many doomsayers. Today we bring back an old date with a new baby-boomer (add that to your urban dictionary). Allison Warden, does her doomsaying from a Subaru. My guess is that you need the all-wheel-drive to get to Heaven. 

Allison is not the originator of doom, just a follow of the master doomsayer, Harold Camping. Remember Harold? We have written about him before. Harold was one-upping the Mayans with his date to end the world a bit earlier.

I read about Allison at The Washington Post. Josh Shaffer wrote about her in a great piece that I am sure will get a pulitzer. Of course, only if the world really does end. You have to get a posthumous Pulitzer if you interviewed a doomsayer that was correctly predicting the end of the world, right?

Anyway, we decided to head to the website that Allison was pushing by having it in huge letters of her white Subaru. Head to http://www.wecanknow.com and let us know what you think.

We saw all the books and general doomsaying and decided that they seem to have their act together. So much so, we thought they would be a great source of information and decided to ask a few questions. Here is the letter we sent:

Greetings. 

I am writing a book on the end of the world and Armageddon. It is called, "The Boy's Book of Armageddon".  I really believe that there is a great need for the young to understand that they will never grow older and the reasons why. 

I was wondering if you would comment on your own experience writing about the end of the world. 

In particular, how do you deal with the comments from children? What if they are afraid they will not be chosen? 

What's your message when people see the end of the world as an excuse for shedding their mortal coil early?

In a similar way, do you find that there is a tendency to procrastinate and just wait for May, 2011 and not fulfill their earthly obligations?

In terms of your prediction that the world will end in fire, do you base this on God's covenant to Noah that flooding will no longer be used as a device to eliminate the Godless heathens? Or, is your concept based on the various violent scenarios in the New Testament? 

Your opinions are important to me. Thank you for your time. 

We will update you when they reply.

Meet the Doomsayer: The National Geographic Channel

The History Channel and the Christian Broadcast Network are not the only doomsaying channels. Following the money, National Geographic is doing a whole day of fear and destruction. Here is a small sampling of Saturday, October 9, 2010:


10:00am Explorer: Electronic Armageddon; The effects of a high-altitude magnetic pulse could have on infrastructure  by destroying the electronic grid.

11:00 am Naked Science: Polar Apocalypse; Cimate change affects sea levels.

12:00pm Aftermath: When the Earth Stops Spinning; Humans strugle to survive as the planet ceases to turn, throwing the climate, oceans and atmosphere into chaos.

1:00pm Aftermath: Swallowed by the Sun; The Sun ages and the world struggles to survive.

2:00pm Aftermath: Population Zero; Envisioning what Earth would be like if all 6.6 billion humans suddenly disappeared.

3:00pm Doomsday: Book of Revelation; Bible scholars and theologians help present a depiction of the Apocalypse.

4:00pm 2012: Countdown to Armageddon; A Princeton geologist travels the globe to decipher an ancient Mayan prophecy that predicts the end of the world.

5:00pm Nazi Mystery: Twins From Brazil; A town filled with blond-haired, blue-eyed twins deep in the Brazilian outback may be the result of efforts made by infamous Nazi war criminal Josef Mengele.

We'll be watching these programs with great interest. We want to see if we got it right. At Boys Books we are about to publish The Boys Book of Armageddon and I want to get the facts right. It is in the editor's hands, so we only have a few days before we go into print production mode.

Despite the eminent book publishing, we are quite interested in the National Geographic's doomsaying.

What about the sponsors? Kohler, the faucet makers, are hawking a really cool carbon fiber kitchen faucet. The Hyundai car company is pushing their Sonata. Despite no pushing their cars. Yellow Pages, yes Yellow Pages, are pushing http://YellowPages.com site. our list is rounded out with Di Giorno, makers of frozen pizza, and Travelers insurance. There are others, but we will stick with these.

Oddly these three are sponsors during the show Explorer: Electronic Armageddon. This is odd because none of these products will be useable after an electronic Armageddon. Internet is dead, car electronics are destroyed, and faucets don't work unless there is electricity to run our water pumps. Seems a little odd to us that these companies would sponsor a show about the end of the world.

We don't understand much of the economics of sponsored doomsaying. For the most part, they are getting it all wrong. Where are the freeze dried food companies, the abandoned missile silo real estate salesmen, and what about guns and ammo? I'm not going to be interested in a new car with 2012 right around the corner (unless we get the lease and that's free money when the world ends). Faucets seem silly unless they are fitted on a rain barrel with a radiation filter. Frozen pizza is fine, but only for the first couple of days as you can't keep it frozen.

The only guys that got it half right were the Yellow Pages. They showed a guy looking for classic car parts. Perhaps the understand that an old car without the fancy electronics will survive an electronic magnetic pulse.

Travelers, the insurance company, also gets a couple of points for effort. Their tagline is, "Take the scary out of life." They run this same commercial for other gloomy television programs. We seem them a lot during the History Channel's sweeps week when they too are pushing the end of the world. But imagine the problem, your car gets totaled by a meteorite, electronics fried from a solar flair, or eaten by demon. Is the Travelers company going to still be there to pay the claim?

Back to the programming. National Geographic seemed like a very science-oriented organization. But Bible and Mayan doomsaying seems a little beyond their charter. We are ok with the Sun going Nova, Russians exploding bombs in the atmosphere, the Earth not spinning, and humans vanishing. 2012 and the Bible seem out of place for a company that brought us through puberty with pictures of naked Africans (and why did they never cover naked University of Berkley students too).

As much fun as all this writing is, we need to get back to watching the doom and gloom. We have set the Tivo to record the episodes on Nazi twins and 2012. Sorry, by the playoffs with the Texas Rangers is far more important to us. Should they loose, there will be rioting in the streets and civilization is truly doomed. Everyone know that the Tampa Bay Rays are the Antichrist.

Should Scientists Be Doomsayers?

Should scientists be doomsayers? Why can't scientist just report the numbers? Seems like they sell more books when they report on results with a little color, like,"The end of the world as we know it."

They say scientists shouldn’t be out doomsaying. For heavens sake, they are putting good Christian doomsayers out of work! Scientist should just report on the ice-cube and polar bear shortage. Leave the doomsaying to the experts.

Our opinion is that it is a free market. Let’s not have any of that Tea Party socialism talk! We don’t go around saying that the Tea Party is putting hard working Fascists and bigots out of work. This is America–at least for a couple more weeks before something a scientist predicts kills us all.

Armageddon in the Classroom

At long last, schools are seeing the errors of their ways. If we are going to teach children about how they are going to die from Global Warming, we should give equal time to teaching how they are all going to die from Armageddon.

Bunkers for the Next Generation

Little holes to hide in are getting a little play in the news. The latest is in the LA Times where they profile a new condominium style of survival bunker.

But this brings up a great point. Back in the 50's and 60's, folks were digging holes in their back yards, but today we are talking condo bunkers! How the world has changed. With change comes opportunity.

There are other things to think about. Imagine what happens when the value drops out of the condo bunker market like it did for regular condos? Should you wait for adjustable mortgage rates to skyrocket and shop for a bunker in foreclosure? Wouldn't it be better to pick up maybe even a bunker that was ceased from a paranoid drug lord?

The only question you should ask is how long you should wait? A good deal on a bunker, condo-based or just a reconditioned missile silo, may not be worth waiting for. The end of the world could be here any second now and saving a couple of dimes now isn't going to help when dimes are no longer in fashion.

Another interesting notion is that people are putting down deposits on these bunker condos. The deposits are about what you would expect for an average condo, so fairly reasonable.

What about resale value? This could be another fly in the radioactive ointment for condo bunkers. Condos on the beach can go for a million dollars or more. A condo in Barstow California is not going to pull that kind of value. Condos with a great view will also garner a bigger value and being a bunker, there are no windows that far underground to have any view. Your depth underground could be part of the value, but that hardly matters when a young married couple is looking for their first home.

Another issue is getting to your bunker. One of the genius bits of a condo bunker is that they are built out of harm's way in the middle of the dessert. That also means low cost of land, soft sand to dig into, and far away from foot traffic if zombies start roaming the earth. The downside is that you can't get to your bunker unless you have a decent warning. Easy freeway access is just as important to a condo bunker as it is with any other real estate property.

I think this condo bunker is a bit of a fad anyway. Can you imagine living through the end of the world with a bunch of people so paranoid that they bought a condo bunker? It isn't like these are going to be artists, novelists, and scientists. More likely they are paranoid, delusional, and lucky that they got a spot in the condo before the condo association fees got too expensive. Can you imagine the home owner association meetings? A bunch of people screaming that the end is nigh and waving Bibles. Nothing would ever get done.

My recommendation is to just dig a hole in the back yard. Build your own bunker. Disguise it as your combination wine cellar and tornado shelter. You'll only have to worry about living out Armageddon with your family and not a bunch of crazy strangers. Best of all, you will have a great place to store your wine!

Ten Plagues Finger Puppets

Here at Boys Books, we love toys. While we are working on the Boys Book of Armageddon, we got nostalgic for the good old appocolypses of the Old Testament.

With a little searching, we found all sorts of cool things. You can buy a plague of frogs! But our favorite has to be the Passover Ten Plagues Finger Puppets.

This wondrously educational toy is fun for the whole family and you don't even need to be Jewish! It does help to be Jewish, Christian or Muslim (they believe in selected stuff of the old book too). But even an agnostic can get a thrill by pointing a plagued finger at a hated Egyptian overseer.

 The only issue with the finger puppets is that they are made with polyester. We'd prefer man made products and especially Rabbi approved blue dyes that would bring about the coming of the Jewish savior.

Each puppet is lovingly stitched (by a machine in China) with the name of the plague in question. This is very helpful as darkness is easy to understand (8 o'clock) but hail (6 o'clock) looks more like a plague of clowns and the death of the first born chid (9:30) is easily mistaken for the second born child.

Another cool little trick is the cardboard holder. This lets us hang our collection on the bagel tree for the holidays or on the front door in place of a wreath. I can recommend the door. Upon seeing this display the two nice young men with ties and bicycles didn't even dare knock on the door.

The ten plagues are rather instructive on the nature of God branded apocalypse. It seems that he/she never quite ends the world. Ten plagues would have been enough to wipe out the Egyptians, but instead they seemed to just tick them off. "Sure we will let you go, but then we will chase you into theRed Sea." Of course the sea is parted and the chase continues until the army gets a bit wet when the sea is eventually departed (love that part).

Plagues let us see two things. First, lots of threats, but the follow through is less than spectacular. Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, and the ten plagues (plus Red Sea drownings) never quite rid the world of heathens. You can bet that whenever the end comes, it is going to be a snoozer and far from perfect.

The important thing is that we have toys that celebrate a religion's hatred and intolerance for those not in their faith! Think of how cool it would be for all these plagues to befall your enemies? Isn't that cool! Our only wish is that the set came with a little Egyptian to torture. I guess we will have to pretend that our little sister is going to get all ten plagues.

Have fun! Happy Passover! Happy Easter! Happy and merry non-sectarian holidays!

Earthquakes Keep On Shaking World To End

Well, another earthquake is sending us signs that the world will end any second. This time Turkey.

Funny thing though, earthquakes happen all the time. Nothing new to see here. Why can't the dead rise from their graves or folks with 666 on their foreheads get into politics? I am getting tired of or the same old signs!

Code Word of the Apocalypse?

Do you know the code word? Study the Bible kids! The secret word is ‘shibboleth’. This word was used way back in the Old Testament in the book of Judges to figure out who was on the side of God and to cull the good guys from the bad guys (cull means kill and is my word of the day).
Good people can pronounce shibboleth. Evil people it seems cannot pronounce the word properly and it comes out sibboleth (missing the first ‘h’).
Here is a little bit of how it played out in the Bible:

...whenever a survivor of Ephraim said, "Let me cross over," the men of Gilead asked him, "Are you an Ephraimite?" If he replied, "No," they said, "All right, say 'Shibboleth.' " He said, "Sibboleth," because he could not pronounce the word correctly, they seized him and killed him at the fords of the Jordan. Forty-two thousand Ephraimites were killed at that time.

So shibboleth works as a great evil detector. At least fourty-two thousand people were killed for being evil Ephraimites.

We assume this means you might be evil because it seemed good enough for the Israelites and God didn't correct them. There is a slight problem with the technique. Though it may detect evil, it may also catch people with a bad lisp too. Of the fourty-two thousand dead, a few might have survived if they had some speech therapy.

You should get ready now and practice saying shibboleth. Never know when you are going to be called upon.

Of course this may only work for Ephraimites who couldn’t pronounce the ‘sh’ sound. It is also rather Old Testament and used by Israelites rather than Christians. Maybe you should stick to putting a fish on the back of your SUV instead?

The shibboleth technique has been used many times over the years. For example in World War II, U.S. Soldiers asked suspected Germans what they knew about baseball. Germans, being evil, knew nothing about baseball, so the American soldiers shot them. Germans of course used strudel to detect non-Germans.

Buy This Or We Are Gone!

You have to love the 2012 entrepreneurs. Now we have a guy that is selling a bit of kitsch that will bring people in better harmonic convergence so that the 2012 alignment with the universe will be canceled out and we will all survive!

How can you beat a deal like this. You can even get it in gold or silver!!!!

I love the name of this bit of jewelry. It is called the Orgone. I am sure there are great reasons for the name, but I like: Buy this or we are gone! You can't buy subliminal advertising as precious as this!

Please buy this product and help promote 2012 entrepreneurs!

May 21st, 2011 Christians End World before Mayans

Yep, the Christians are getting competitive again. According to a Bible scholar, Harold Camping, aged 88, with a calculator, the actual end of the world is May 21st, 2011.

Harold is saying May 21st, 2011 on uTube too. The end according to some of the stuff puts us into 2010 if you take into account that there is no year zero AD, but Harold assures us that he has done the math and this time he is sure of the date.

At the wise age eighty eight, Harold Camping is a little old for a doomsayer. Odds are this fellow will live to see his end, or not as it usually is for doomsayers. Better yet, he gets to see it all twice! That's some really good cognitive dissonance, kids!

I'm sort of conflicted because of Harold's date. When do I buy my end of the world rations or convert to Harold's cult? I might need to be both a follower of the Mayan gods and Harold's Christian Revelation/Armageddon end. So I need hedge my bets on worshiping the right gods.

Occam's razor is tough business when it has those two blades. One lifts the humans off the world a bit, the other cuts them properly at their souls. You get a cleaner world that way I assume. Then the whole thing gets a slap of aftershave. Or, because it is Occam's razor, the world is not destroyed twice but the egos of the doomsayers are properly slapped down and go back to their caves to grow proper shamed-heritict beards.

Because we have those three bladed shaving monstrosities, the betting pool is now open for another doomsayer to throw an end of the world in on June 21st, 2010 at 6:28 AM CST. You heard it here first! I bet that's the longest day you'll have in 2010 too!

Back to Harold (who is clean shaven at the moment). Harold thinks he has the date right. He has a poor track record so far. Back in September, 6th of of 1994, he had folks hanging out in a Veterans center, bibles open to heaven and waiting for Christ's return.

Of course, you need to learn from failure it seems. So Harold has been working the numbers ever since. This time he thinks he has it right.

In my book, Harold is not only a doomsayer, but a cult leader too. He has an AM station in California. As we all know, AM radio is the best place for modern cult leaders to hang about. The numbers he calculates have included growing from this little Bay area AM station to 55 in the united states and others on other continents.

Not sure this guy was too good before the first failed attempt. He has been trying to create a media empire since 1958 with Family Stations Inc. Sadly there was little growth until he had his first failure at predicting the second coming.

No reason to pick a date for the end times if you can't make a dime on it. Not bad considering that back in 1994 he had dozens of followers and now it is in the millions.

There are of course debunkers of Harold. You can't blame them. More often than not, they are his fellow Christians. The amount of unconditional love of one another in Bible land! You just can't be a doomsayer without venomous critics. Go doomsayer, go!!!

There is a lot of fun out at uTube. There is Harold and his videos. but also lots of followers and debunkers. Take a look for yourself when you have some time when Heros goes on hiatus again.

The numbers of doomsayers is quite amazing. Until I ran across Harold today, I had not heard one peep about him. Of course the only time I stray into AM radio is when public radio has pledge drives. It doesn't help that we have our own bevy of doomsayers in the Dallas AM radio market.

Well, happy New Year!!! Only one more to go! ... or two, or more. The end of the world is so fickle.

Mayon volcano in the Philippines signals end of world!

The Mayon (not Mayan) volcano in the Philippines that is about to blow! Could this be the start of all the super volcanos? Will the earth crack open any day now?

Why not send me money for an advanced copy of my book? It is currently being edited and we are working on the front cover, so not finished yet. But if you really feel the world is going to end any second now, please feel free to send me large amounts of cash for an advanced copy of The Boys Book of Armageddon.

Remember you should be prepared for the end of the world... or at least have a good laugh.

NASA = Not Another Stupid Armageddon

NASA is at it again. This time they have a whole web site dedicated to debunking the end of the world in 2012. Ipso facto: The world will end.

If NASA says it isn't true, you know there is a conspiracy. Yes, another nail in the coffin that proves unashamedly that the world is ending.

With conspiracies, it is hard to prove they really are there. It has been said that the best way to make something secret is to not say anything at all, even a lie. NASA does rockets, so they don't do the conspiracy thing very well. Worse they have many facts wrong.

The first issue is Armageddon itself. I have written here before that that Armageddon is a place. So it is very difficult to say a place won't happen. Of course, even more telling, they don't mention Armageddon on the web page. That's very telling.

Better yet, NASA is trying to prove a negative. They are saying that they don't have any evidence of the end of the world and thus can't prove the world will 'not' end. Shame on NASA.

My best evidence is related to part of the web page:

Q: Does the Mayan calendar end in December 2012?
A: Just as the calendar you have on your kitchen wall does not cease to exist after December 31, the Mayan calendar does not cease to exist on December 21, 2012. This date is the end of the Mayan long-count period but then -- just as your calendar begins again on January 1 -- another long-count period begins for the Mayan calendar.

NASA is just grasping at straws by answering like this. First of all, how do they know I have a calendar in my kitchen? Is this technological fallout of the Mars rover that let's them spy on my kitchen calendar? But spying aside, they didn't look too close at my calendar. They say it just ends, but my calendar has a mini calendar for next year. It even has a web address for ordering a new calendar with new pretty pictures for next year. I have seen no evidence that the Mayan calendar has any such thing. NASA is just barking up the wrong calendar!

But things get worse! At the end of the article they point to other websites for debunking 2012. For example: http://www.badastronomy.com/bad/misc/planetx/nutshell.html. Bad Astronomy is a great website on astronomy, but not exactly a reference site for the Mayan calendar. Sloppy if you ask me. NASA needs some better writers for their anti-conspiracy-conspiracy web content.

There was one great piece of the website that I loved: The prediction that the world would end on May, 2003 from being destroyed by the wayward planet Nibiru (also known as Planet X). I had not heard of this prediction before. Curious... Does that mean NASA knew, but are just now telling us? Very curious.

All in all, this may be sort of overkill attributing conspiracy to cover up the end of the world. They also predicted that man would travel to Mars before our computers were destroyed by Y2K. NASA may have gotten us to the Moon, but they are poor at prediction. If you think about it, maybe this is their plan... NASA is bad about prediction, so the web page must be wrong, therefore it is true because it is real. Think about it!

Alan Greenspan, Bikini Briefs, and the End of the World

Now we finally know why we have the economic Armageddon. Alan Greenspan is using the wrong economic indicators to keep the economy healthy.

Alan Greenspan, the economic oracle of the past decade, uses mens bikini briefs as an indication of the health of the economy.

I can understand tea leaves, chicken entrails, and maybe a dowsing rod over the morning Economic Times, but mens underwear? But not just any underwear, men's bikini briefs? I wonder what color?

Well, despite the fact that Alan Greenspan isn't the chairman of the Federal Reserve anymore, he could have triggered economic apocalypse. Sort of a part time Antichrist, or at least the Antichrist's accountant and well, chairman of underwear economic indicators.

You might remember me pinning the Antichrist label on Glen Beck on Fox News. Well... Remember he is a Mormon. Did you know that Mormons wear a special type of underwear? Here's a hint, it isn't bikini briefs. According to Greenspan, no men's bikini briefs, so no economic recovery. Suspicious that Beck has a reason to not wear bikini briefs...

Glen is contributing to the downfall of the economy, but at least he buys American. Supposedly the unmentionables are made in a LDS factory in Utah.

I only observe, report, and bit of doomsaying, I am not an economist. But if you see the men's briefs piling up at the Walmart, time to stock up on can goods and Bibles.

Worried about your pets? What about an Atheist pet sitter?

Don't let your pets suffer when you get taken up to heaven! Why not reserve a place in a great new service provided by the heathan athiests to care and feed your pet?

Here is a link to the service: Eternal Earthbound Pets.