Sleepy Village of the Mayan Apocalypse

There is a way to survive the Mayan gods, vengful aliens, and/or Mayan prodictions of Earth's conjuction with the center of the universe: relocate your family to Bugarach, France. Yep, that's the story!

Why would anyone think that surviving the Mayan apocalypse is best done in France? We think its baguettes. Baguettes are those long bread things that France is famous for. If you have ever had a baguette, you know that those things are wonderful fresh out of the oven, but an hour later they can be used as a replacement for diamond. They are your best defense against asteroids, demons and Mayan gods.

Spilt Llama Milk

In the blog, Science Not Fiction, the author talks about the Mayan end of the world scenario being upset by the new evidence that the end of the Mayan calendar is wrong. In fact they stated: “Sorry if that hurts book or video sales.” Well, I thought they were talking about me, so this is what I wrote to them:

Apology accepted! But don’t cry over spilt llama milk or overcooked Guinea pigs, the Mayan calendar extending 50 years or so will be a boon. That’s 50 years more of second guessing!

If the Mayan calendar is already over, that just means the Christians and other cults can own the end of the world.

I’d prefer vengeful aliens myself. Seeing really cool aliens in my final moments would be a great way to end the world. Much more fun and like the movies, a hero will likely save us. With Mayans and Bibles, your odds are not nearly as good.

So far my book sales have been great. I have not sold any copies, still in the throws of final edits, but that’s pretty good sales considering. Nearly as good as the odds of a massive solar flare or the explosive release of methane from the arctic permafrost or a cat vectored Pneumonia – I expect the media (Fox) to call it Pnurrmonia.

I hope the end of the world be interesting! Something to tell your grandkids.

It is always great to post comments to blogs. It gives us a warm fuzzy to imagine that anyone reads the comments.

2012 Theory Flushed?

The Mayans had flush toilets! That's what the report at LiveScience.com says. Indoor plumbing is a hallmark of an advanced civilization which is a code phrase for smart guys. Does that mean that the theory of the world ending in 2012 because of the Mayan calendar is correct? Given that these toilets were not the same two flush, eco toilets that we have, that at least makes the Mayans smarter than us.

But look at this another way... If Mayans had toilets, maybe that was just enough information to divine the end of the universe by measuring the impact of the galaxy on the flow of toilet water as maze laden logs swirled to the nether regions of hell.

Of course there is the Coriolis effect. This is the idea that the direction that your toilet spirals as it drains are influenced by being up here or down under. Are there other forces at work? Is this really how Mayans predicted the seasons and movement of stars and planets? Could this too be how they came up with 2012?

But(t) do Mayan toilets really help figure out that the world will be ripped apart by a galactic alignment? Does the direction and velocity of an ancient peoples pee and poo indicate the presence of a killer planet X or the Earth's poles shifting its axis?

I am often asked, "Are you totally stupid?" Other times people just giggle and point in my general direction. The fact is, we have no evidence that Mayans didn't use their flush toilets as the basis for their astronomy.

Could toilet dynamics have predicted the existence of Uranus before 1781? Or was the flush toilet out of reach of most astronomers? Could the Mayans have predicted the same, or did that see this as pointless once they discovered the end of the world and put a kibosh on the program to put a Mayan on the Moon by June?

Next time you flush, look closely. Is there a slight tug to the left? Is that the end you are seeing as you benefit from the greatest invention of mankind?

Mayon volcano in the Philippines signals end of world!

The Mayon (not Mayan) volcano in the Philippines that is about to blow! Could this be the start of all the super volcanos? Will the earth crack open any day now?

Why not send me money for an advanced copy of my book? It is currently being edited and we are working on the front cover, so not finished yet. But if you really feel the world is going to end any second now, please feel free to send me large amounts of cash for an advanced copy of The Boys Book of Armageddon.

Remember you should be prepared for the end of the world... or at least have a good laugh.

Armageddon Bullshit? Teller isn't saying!

Just when you thought it was safe to watch TV, Penn and Teller start calling the 2012 end of the world "bullshit". Damn.

Death by solar flares, planet X, and Mayan princesses are apparently all bullshit. It has to be, because Penn said so. In fact, he said so in earlier episodes of the show.

Teller is silent on the subject. He is very wise.

Because I respect Teller's wisdom, I think there is still hope for the end of the world. Teller and I see eye to eye, at least in the height department. In fact, I did meet both Teller and Penn in Las Vegas so I've seen those eyes and their height.

So, for Teller, the book and the blog go on. The end of the world is still coming and so is my book, The Boys Book of Armageddon.

The good news is that Penn didn't blow any holes in other ways the world will end. The Mayans be damned (by Penn), but they are just a little end compared to the other nasties out there. My money is still on dog farts, but there are many other ends we can all cower from.

Long live the end of the world! Bullshit be damned!

Mayan's Prove Superiority with Stucco

Stucco is the height of civiliztion. They built pyramids, but they new the science of stucco. Truely the Mayans were an advanced people. Perhaps stucco is the science that proves they could predict the end of the world better than others?


http://cosmiclog.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2009/03/12/1833838.aspx

2012 a Mayan hoax?

Here is another article on 2012. Of the many I have read, this one is pretty scary. Not what you are thinking, I'm sure of it! Or maybe not... 

The author of this article actually has a funny bone. He is open to the possibility of 2012 being the end of it all. He even posits that the mighty Chuck Norris is not powerful enough to save us. Follow the link, it is a ripping good read.

I am troubled by one of Rusty's theories. It is a theory that I too thought of, which is even more troubling. How could two people, separated by the Earth's core, coincidentally come to the same Earth shattering conclusion. I writing this in Thailand while the author is in the US. I'll swear on a stack of stone Mayan calendars that we have never met.

The odds are at least 2 in ,706,993,152. 6,706,993,150 people could have had this notion too. Scary stuff. Is it just Rusty and I or are you in on the joke too? Write in the comments below if you are one of us!

The theory that Rusty and I had is that the Mayans are playing a practical joke on us. They are ending the calendar in 2012 for no particular reason other than to make us sweat. They are going to just jump out of the bushes and yell, boo! We are going to feel pretty silly if it is true.

Here is the article:

Ancient Mayan prediction won't change individual actions
By Rusty Shellhorn
THE DAILY EVERGREEN
Published: 02/24/2009
http://www.dailyevergreen.com/story/27873

More 2012. Score: Humanity 3, Mayans 0.

More news of 2012 is starting to flow. Let's look at three articles today.

Science appears to contradict Mayan 2012 doomsday

By DESMOND LAWE

http://www.northernstar.info/article/6622/

Oh dear. You can tell form the tittle that things are not looking good for the Mayans. Here they were, getting ready for the end of the world, and then nothing. I hate it when that happens. Happeed to me in 2000. Afraid to go party and stayed home with my weapons and canned food. According to the article, the best hopes are a planetary/galactic alignment that will tear the Earth apart. Sorry all debunked by the article. 

I can still hope that the Mayan gods are listening. What is prophesy without fulfillment? Yeah there will be a great party in 2012, but who wants to live through the next day's hangover?

I find it silly that you need any type of astronomy for a god to come down and destroy the Earth. Look at Star Trek for all the examples you need. All that is required is a super being or a really big bomb or both. As long as you don't have Spock or Kirk to foil your plans, you are golden. Given that old Trek was canceled decades ago and that they were only fictional characters anyway, the Mayan gods can just wipe out the Earth without a peep from us.  

On to the next article:

Geologists Debunk Apocalyptic Prophecy

Pole Shift Gains Popularity; Science Clashes with Society

February 25, 2009 By Leigha Kemmett

http://cornellsun.com/node/35108

More bad news. Possibilities of the magnetic poles shifting is debunked along with other theories. Of course these are scientists. They think that just because they can make a car that will go 100,000 miles without a tuneup, that they can predict the behavior of Mayan gods. Hubris I say!