Meet the Doomsayer: The National Geographic Channel

The History Channel and the Christian Broadcast Network are not the only doomsaying channels. Following the money, National Geographic is doing a whole day of fear and destruction. Here is a small sampling of Saturday, October 9, 2010:


10:00am Explorer: Electronic Armageddon; The effects of a high-altitude magnetic pulse could have on infrastructure  by destroying the electronic grid.

11:00 am Naked Science: Polar Apocalypse; Cimate change affects sea levels.

12:00pm Aftermath: When the Earth Stops Spinning; Humans strugle to survive as the planet ceases to turn, throwing the climate, oceans and atmosphere into chaos.

1:00pm Aftermath: Swallowed by the Sun; The Sun ages and the world struggles to survive.

2:00pm Aftermath: Population Zero; Envisioning what Earth would be like if all 6.6 billion humans suddenly disappeared.

3:00pm Doomsday: Book of Revelation; Bible scholars and theologians help present a depiction of the Apocalypse.

4:00pm 2012: Countdown to Armageddon; A Princeton geologist travels the globe to decipher an ancient Mayan prophecy that predicts the end of the world.

5:00pm Nazi Mystery: Twins From Brazil; A town filled with blond-haired, blue-eyed twins deep in the Brazilian outback may be the result of efforts made by infamous Nazi war criminal Josef Mengele.

We'll be watching these programs with great interest. We want to see if we got it right. At Boys Books we are about to publish The Boys Book of Armageddon and I want to get the facts right. It is in the editor's hands, so we only have a few days before we go into print production mode.

Despite the eminent book publishing, we are quite interested in the National Geographic's doomsaying.

What about the sponsors? Kohler, the faucet makers, are hawking a really cool carbon fiber kitchen faucet. The Hyundai car company is pushing their Sonata. Despite no pushing their cars. Yellow Pages, yes Yellow Pages, are pushing http://YellowPages.com site. our list is rounded out with Di Giorno, makers of frozen pizza, and Travelers insurance. There are others, but we will stick with these.

Oddly these three are sponsors during the show Explorer: Electronic Armageddon. This is odd because none of these products will be useable after an electronic Armageddon. Internet is dead, car electronics are destroyed, and faucets don't work unless there is electricity to run our water pumps. Seems a little odd to us that these companies would sponsor a show about the end of the world.

We don't understand much of the economics of sponsored doomsaying. For the most part, they are getting it all wrong. Where are the freeze dried food companies, the abandoned missile silo real estate salesmen, and what about guns and ammo? I'm not going to be interested in a new car with 2012 right around the corner (unless we get the lease and that's free money when the world ends). Faucets seem silly unless they are fitted on a rain barrel with a radiation filter. Frozen pizza is fine, but only for the first couple of days as you can't keep it frozen.

The only guys that got it half right were the Yellow Pages. They showed a guy looking for classic car parts. Perhaps the understand that an old car without the fancy electronics will survive an electronic magnetic pulse.

Travelers, the insurance company, also gets a couple of points for effort. Their tagline is, "Take the scary out of life." They run this same commercial for other gloomy television programs. We seem them a lot during the History Channel's sweeps week when they too are pushing the end of the world. But imagine the problem, your car gets totaled by a meteorite, electronics fried from a solar flair, or eaten by demon. Is the Travelers company going to still be there to pay the claim?

Back to the programming. National Geographic seemed like a very science-oriented organization. But Bible and Mayan doomsaying seems a little beyond their charter. We are ok with the Sun going Nova, Russians exploding bombs in the atmosphere, the Earth not spinning, and humans vanishing. 2012 and the Bible seem out of place for a company that brought us through puberty with pictures of naked Africans (and why did they never cover naked University of Berkley students too).

As much fun as all this writing is, we need to get back to watching the doom and gloom. We have set the Tivo to record the episodes on Nazi twins and 2012. Sorry, by the playoffs with the Texas Rangers is far more important to us. Should they loose, there will be rioting in the streets and civilization is truly doomed. Everyone know that the Tampa Bay Rays are the Antichrist.

Should Scientists Be Doomsayers?

Should scientists be doomsayers? Why can't scientist just report the numbers? Seems like they sell more books when they report on results with a little color, like,"The end of the world as we know it."

They say scientists shouldn’t be out doomsaying. For heavens sake, they are putting good Christian doomsayers out of work! Scientist should just report on the ice-cube and polar bear shortage. Leave the doomsaying to the experts.

Our opinion is that it is a free market. Let’s not have any of that Tea Party socialism talk! We don’t go around saying that the Tea Party is putting hard working Fascists and bigots out of work. This is America–at least for a couple more weeks before something a scientist predicts kills us all.

Are the Mayans worried about 2012?

Are the Mayans worried about 2012? I am sure they are!!!! Imagine what happens when the world starts to end and they just think it is just a reason to start chiseling a new stone calendar?

Mayans need to also be worried about 2012 backlash. Even if the world does not end (low odds because of course this is the actual end of the world as compared to all those pretenders), what about all the minor disasters that will happen in 2012. Scientists are already predicting a larger than normal solar storm that could knock out some satellites, power grids, and auroras that could be seen as far south as Texas. Then there are the inevitable failings of small businesses, corporate corruption, hurricanes, earthquakes, political scandals, and the canceling of ABC shows that used to be good. Glenn Beck and Fox Friends will undoubtably still be on the air, so imagine how many other things these folks can blame on the Mayans?

If I were a Mayan, I'd hire a press agent and a team of anti-defimation/slander lawyers. The year 2012 may be a new age for Mayans, but the first year is going to be really rough on their reputation.

No Signs Today

It has been a whiles since I last posted. Things have been busy, but the world isn't ready to end just yet. You can see this in the press. Look at the White House and the fact that Helen Thomas seat was filled by the Associated Press (AP) rather than Fox. Things are not all skittles and beer because Fox did move up to the front row into AP's seat. Not a sign of the end, but perhaps a warning shot.

The North East is having a heat wave. A sign of global warming? Yes, warm, even hot, but we need to see the ocean boiling or Eskimo's buying air conditioners or refrigerators with built-in ice makers. Winter is a better time for global warming gloom when we are unable to count snowmen.

Every day preachers are saying the world is ending. Nothing new to see here. It is even worse because as far as I can tell, no preacher has yet blamed the British Petroleum spill in the gulf on the debauchery of Girls Gone Wild.

Yes, there is some time in this world! That's great news because the book is nearing completion. Looking for a professional editor and the book cover is getting closer to completion.

If you want to be a volunteer editor in exchange for a signed final copy, please let me know in the comments below.

Armageddon in the Classroom

At long last, schools are seeing the errors of their ways. If we are going to teach children about how they are going to die from Global Warming, we should give equal time to teaching how they are all going to die from Armageddon.