Long time, no end times (Voting day edition)

Sorry, for the delay. The Armageddon will begin shortly.

Boys Book of Armageddon is now just 99 cents! Free if you own a Kindle device. Help support our end of the world habit and fund the next book, Boys Book of Pseudoscience (we need the money to get it under Christmas trees, Hanukkah bushes and Festivus Poles.

And now back to your regularly scheduled fear and uncertainty.

Ebola, Obama, Obama Care, and Unicorn Poop Cookies, have all failed to bring the end of the war. However there does seem to be a brewing of Ebola during election day, it seems that a rouge nation (Fox News) is scaring people to go to the poles (voting, not Festivus) to stop Obama from giving visas to terrorists (also known by their terrorist nom de plumes: maid, the lawn guy, picker, and day laborer).

The conspiracy is deep. These terrorists come straight from the middle east to the slums in Central America where they get a sex change operation (terrorists are men and too easy to spot at border crossing and women refugees are sneakier) forget Farsi, learn Spanglish, are starved and terrorized by drug gangs before being infected with ebola and then transported by coyotes (or foxes or honey badgers depending on their political preferences) to smuggle them into the united states via a secret tunnel that pops then up in the prairie lands with a child of their choice over the border.

This will of course not end the world, but it does make watching Fox news more like the Sy Fy channel.

Is the world ending soon? We are sure it is on the horizon. Grandmothers are still making potato salad with mayonnaise and poor food preparation practices. All it takes is one picnic on a sunny day to end life as we know it.

Remember to buy a copy of the book. And more importantly, remember to vote!

End of the World Mooning Us

It is comforting that the end of the world is here again. This week, tax day for us in the USA, the Moon will be eclipsed. This event is also called a blood moon. Eclipses of the Moon are not rare, occurring at least twice a year. What is different this year is that their will be four lunar eclipses. As anybody that follows the end of the world, anything that happens rarely is bait for doomsayers.

The primary doomsayers this week are of course Christian. The Bible mentions the Moon going red as part of the end of the world, thus if there are four red Moons in a year (a tetrad), obviously the world will end.

Here at Boys Books, we know that there is only one way to respond to the end of the world, sell more books! Right now, until we raise prices, both the print and Kindle editions of Boys Book of Armageddon are for sale on Amazon. Here are the links (note that the Kindle edition is FREE if you own a Kindle ).

Before you click on your choice below, we at Boys Books would like to do a quick public service announcement: You can go blind if you try to watch a lunar eclipse during the day! Yes, we know that Neil deGrasse Tyson would be rolling in his grave if he were dead and he read blogs like this whilst decomposing. The good news is that lunar eclipses only happen at night! Click here for viewing instructions.

Print Edition (FREE shipping for Prime members)

Kindle Edition (FREE on Kindle devices)

The only reason to wear sunglasses is if you need to look cool as the world ends (not endorsed for lunar eclipse watching unless you have exceptional night vision and only wear them while sitting down).

Comet ISON: Panic Now in Progress

You heard it here first, Comet ISON is coming to our Earth. Comets have long been feared, though never successful in their threats, the panic is still very real. You are about to get flooded with news from the comet doomsayers and anti-doomsayers.

Comets need to be bright to be feared, and ISON will be very very bright. You should be able to see it during the day. so that means not only will insomniacs be panicking, so will those of us stuck in traffic because of accidents caused by rubbernecking amateur astronomers that can't multitask texting, driving and comet observing.

The real fun is when it starts raining comet! You heard right, comet rain. The Earth will bump into ISON's tail and we will get a slow rain of ISON stuff. This is much different than shooting stars we see because of comet dust burning up in our atmosphere. This comet fluff will be gently dropping into our atmosphere. The chicken littles will be out in force to tell us that poison and diseases will safely reach Earth and kill us all.

Seeds or spores from space is one of the popular theories. Imagine millions of seeds blown across the galaxy and hitching a ride on a comet. When the Earth passes through the comet's tail, seeds of shambling carnivorous alien plants will start sprouting (see the documentary, Day of the Triffids).These alien visitors will be roaming the countryside looking for souvenirs to take back to their home planet. Thousands will die from triffid tourist rage as they are cranky vacationers. The carnage will continue until a scientist figures out how to kill them with shaving cream and a paddle ball.

Disease will be the scariest of all. Alien bacteria is not pretty (read the scholarly paper written by a crack scientist at the Cardiff offices of Torchwood).

Here is a link to the original news about how the comet will cause the deadly rain. The article mentions nothing about death and disease, zombies, or carnivorous plants - we wouldn't expect that, would we? Not an oversight on the reporter's part, just the usual coverup and conspiracy.

Any of your friends work for a media outlet (i.e. reporters or the Daily Show), please tell them about the danger and this blog. More importantly, let them know I am pushing my book and happy to tell them about the latest end of the world.

Today's Experiment: Snotty Comet

In todays experiment, lets prove that comets, though cold as ice (because they are made from ice), can transmit sickness. Here are the steps:

1. Get a few ice cubes.  
2. Contaminate the ice cubes (rub them on your dirty socks, your dog's butt, or just sneeze on them).
3. Put the ice cubes in your sister's ice tea.
4. Wait and observe your sister.

Note, if you sister does not show symptoms right away, just show her these instructions and nod meaningfully in the general direction of her empty glass of tea. She'll get sick soon enough. Wear a rain coat and keep a puke bucket nearby!

Gummy-9 or Responsive biomimetic networks from polyisocyanopeptide hydrogels

Been a long time since the staff at Boys Books, Armageddon Desk, have decided to post a new blog. Frankly we are still in our spider hole. If anybody up there in the real world is still there, how's it going with the Mayans as your new overlords? Is it hard to clean Quatzequatel poop off your windshield? Will Valentines day really rip your heart out?

The real reason to blog today is that a prediction we made has almost come true, Gummy-bear-9 9or gummy-worm-9 depending on your persuasion), a mythical gummy bear that when added to water water would turn it all to jelly.

According to a new paper, the evil substance is upon us. Even with Mayan over site, scientists have been busy creating new ways for the world to end.

Just 2.2 pounds (1 kilogram) new material can turn an olympic-sized swimming pool into jelly. For grins and giggles (because being in a spider hole requires an extra attempt at humor) we looked up how much water is in an olympic sized swimming pool: 2,500,000 Liters or 550,000 imperial gallons or 660,000 USA gallons.

To jelly up Lake superior, it would take ten billion pounds of gummy polymer.

Oh the horror!

But wait, would it really take 10,000,000,000 pounds?  This new polymer works when the mixture is heated, so really the polymer would only form on the surface of the water in the summer. We don't need much to muck up the world, just a layer of scum that prevents oxygen and a little light from passing the surface barrier. Look at oil slicks, but stuff with just a little oil. So, let's try that again and say one inch of scum on Lake superior would only take 34 thousand pounds of the polymer and a summer's day. Much easier to imagine!

Now, imagine a few million pounds of the stuff being shipped anywhere in the world via ship on lakes, rivers, or ocean. Imagine the disaster! You might not even know the extent until a little global warming enters the picture. It would be bad! Very bad! Worse because there would be no flavoring, sugar, or cute little gummy bear shapes, just a fishy gummy scum as far as the eye could see.

The end result is fish and bird deaths. Plankton failures at sea. America's Cup racing will seem even more pointless. Beach combers will become Fish Gummy farmers. End of the world in three weeks because of the financial collapse triggered by Disney's losses of Disney Cruises.

Remember, you heard it here first. End of the world is around the corner.

On a side note, can someone email us if the Mayans are still taking revenge? We ran out of Cheetos last week and are ready to come out for at least a run to the Quicky Mart.

TEOTWAWKI

At last, an acronym of the end times that avoids the song copyright police. TEOTWAWKI, which I can't spell out for fear lawyer from the band REM comes for us in the dead of night. You can go here so see a safe explanation without fear of Rapid Eye Movement or Tolstoy Edited Oscar Wild And Willy Knows Ivan.