Comet ISON: Panic Now in Progress

You heard it here first, Comet ISON is coming to our Earth. Comets have long been feared, though never successful in their threats, the panic is still very real. You are about to get flooded with news from the comet doomsayers and anti-doomsayers.

Comets need to be bright to be feared, and ISON will be very very bright. You should be able to see it during the day. so that means not only will insomniacs be panicking, so will those of us stuck in traffic because of accidents caused by rubbernecking amateur astronomers that can't multitask texting, driving and comet observing.

The real fun is when it starts raining comet! You heard right, comet rain. The Earth will bump into ISON's tail and we will get a slow rain of ISON stuff. This is much different than shooting stars we see because of comet dust burning up in our atmosphere. This comet fluff will be gently dropping into our atmosphere. The chicken littles will be out in force to tell us that poison and diseases will safely reach Earth and kill us all.

Seeds or spores from space is one of the popular theories. Imagine millions of seeds blown across the galaxy and hitching a ride on a comet. When the Earth passes through the comet's tail, seeds of shambling carnivorous alien plants will start sprouting (see the documentary, Day of the Triffids).These alien visitors will be roaming the countryside looking for souvenirs to take back to their home planet. Thousands will die from triffid tourist rage as they are cranky vacationers. The carnage will continue until a scientist figures out how to kill them with shaving cream and a paddle ball.

Disease will be the scariest of all. Alien bacteria is not pretty (read the scholarly paper written by a crack scientist at the Cardiff offices of Torchwood).

Here is a link to the original news about how the comet will cause the deadly rain. The article mentions nothing about death and disease, zombies, or carnivorous plants - we wouldn't expect that, would we? Not an oversight on the reporter's part, just the usual coverup and conspiracy.

Any of your friends work for a media outlet (i.e. reporters or the Daily Show), please tell them about the danger and this blog. More importantly, let them know I am pushing my book and happy to tell them about the latest end of the world.

Today's Experiment: Snotty Comet

In todays experiment, lets prove that comets, though cold as ice (because they are made from ice), can transmit sickness. Here are the steps:

1. Get a few ice cubes.  
2. Contaminate the ice cubes (rub them on your dirty socks, your dog's butt, or just sneeze on them).
3. Put the ice cubes in your sister's ice tea.
4. Wait and observe your sister.

Note, if you sister does not show symptoms right away, just show her these instructions and nod meaningfully in the general direction of her empty glass of tea. She'll get sick soon enough. Wear a rain coat and keep a puke bucket nearby!

Gummy-9 or Responsive biomimetic networks from polyisocyanopeptide hydrogels

Been a long time since the staff at Boys Books, Armageddon Desk, have decided to post a new blog. Frankly we are still in our spider hole. If anybody up there in the real world is still there, how's it going with the Mayans as your new overlords? Is it hard to clean Quatzequatel poop off your windshield? Will Valentines day really rip your heart out?

The real reason to blog today is that a prediction we made has almost come true, Gummy-bear-9 9or gummy-worm-9 depending on your persuasion), a mythical gummy bear that when added to water water would turn it all to jelly.

According to a new paper, the evil substance is upon us. Even with Mayan over site, scientists have been busy creating new ways for the world to end.

Just 2.2 pounds (1 kilogram) new material can turn an olympic-sized swimming pool into jelly. For grins and giggles (because being in a spider hole requires an extra attempt at humor) we looked up how much water is in an olympic sized swimming pool: 2,500,000 Liters or 550,000 imperial gallons or 660,000 USA gallons.

To jelly up Lake superior, it would take ten billion pounds of gummy polymer.

Oh the horror!

But wait, would it really take 10,000,000,000 pounds?  This new polymer works when the mixture is heated, so really the polymer would only form on the surface of the water in the summer. We don't need much to muck up the world, just a layer of scum that prevents oxygen and a little light from passing the surface barrier. Look at oil slicks, but stuff with just a little oil. So, let's try that again and say one inch of scum on Lake superior would only take 34 thousand pounds of the polymer and a summer's day. Much easier to imagine!

Now, imagine a few million pounds of the stuff being shipped anywhere in the world via ship on lakes, rivers, or ocean. Imagine the disaster! You might not even know the extent until a little global warming enters the picture. It would be bad! Very bad! Worse because there would be no flavoring, sugar, or cute little gummy bear shapes, just a fishy gummy scum as far as the eye could see.

The end result is fish and bird deaths. Plankton failures at sea. America's Cup racing will seem even more pointless. Beach combers will become Fish Gummy farmers. End of the world in three weeks because of the financial collapse triggered by Disney's losses of Disney Cruises.

Remember, you heard it here first. End of the world is around the corner.

On a side note, can someone email us if the Mayans are still taking revenge? We ran out of Cheetos last week and are ready to come out for at least a run to the Quicky Mart.

TEOTWAWKI

At last, an acronym of the end times that avoids the song copyright police. TEOTWAWKI, which I can't spell out for fear lawyer from the band REM comes for us in the dead of night. You can go here so see a safe explanation without fear of Rapid Eye Movement or Tolstoy Edited Oscar Wild And Willy Knows Ivan.

Free kindle edition today!!!!!

Religious happiness comes for free when they enter the gates of Heaven. Why bother aiming for utopia when you get it for free when you die? Doomsayers aren’t in this for the glory of being a peacemaker, solving world hunger, or making people wealthy and happy. They just need to be sure they die with their scorecard properly tallied on the winning side.

Compromise isn’t what the religious do. The world is not perfect, so why not destroy it? David wants to kill Goliath. God hates Goliath, so go ahead. It’s too much trouble to make friends out of your enemies. It’s too much trouble to make lemon-aid from life’s lemons. 

Stop recycling, it’s all going to be incinerated anyway. Snub your sinful neighbor, he’s already on the list. Join the Republican Party, they are on the winning side when there are no sides. Rip it off quick like a bandaid.

World Ended - Too bad, I was on vacation....

The world ended over the weekend. Sorry to tell you so late, but here at Boys Book, we were on vacation in Australia and in particular on the wonderful Kangaroo Island. Kangaroos, wallabies. wombats and extra cute wallabies have protected us down here from the end of the world. If you lived in the northern hemisphere, sorry.

No. really!!! We are sorry! We may have been protected down here, standing on our heads, but in the North, you all didn't even get Armageddon! How unpleasant for you that there were no four horsemen, plagues, torture etc. Just another day.

Jose Luis De Jesus (i.e. the best name for a savior ever), leader of Growing in Grace International Ministry and Jesus impersonator, has already gained super powers and most of the world is dead and doesn't know it.

Mr Jesus, who often dresses as Captain Bang from the Pirates of Penzance
or for a dinner party with black tie required, has been declaring his second coming for quite some time. Unfortunately mostly Mexico and Canada seemed to be the only ones that knew about all of this (Senior Jesus is from Puerto Rico which as you may remember from the Bible is the second holy land). We think the rest of us have been preoccupied with Bird Flu, Mayans, and Harold Camping to be bothered by a Mexican savior named Mr Jesus.

On the other hand, we are impressed. Mr Jesus has some of the best video candy of the coming apocalypse we have ever seen with English subtitles. Take a look at the following video. You'll start drooling for more! We can hardly wait for Mr Jesus to come back for one more curtain call and perhaps a Daytime Emmy award for the best End of Days category. We'd add a Grammy for best ear splitting Germanic opera theme too.