Long time, no end times (Voting day edition)

Sorry, for the delay. The Armageddon will begin shortly.

Boys Book of Armageddon is now just 99 cents! Free if you own a Kindle device. Help support our end of the world habit and fund the next book, Boys Book of Pseudoscience (we need the money to get it under Christmas trees, Hanukkah bushes and Festivus Poles.

And now back to your regularly scheduled fear and uncertainty.

Ebola, Obama, Obama Care, and Unicorn Poop Cookies, have all failed to bring the end of the war. However there does seem to be a brewing of Ebola during election day, it seems that a rouge nation (Fox News) is scaring people to go to the poles (voting, not Festivus) to stop Obama from giving visas to terrorists (also known by their terrorist nom de plumes: maid, the lawn guy, picker, and day laborer).

The conspiracy is deep. These terrorists come straight from the middle east to the slums in Central America where they get a sex change operation (terrorists are men and too easy to spot at border crossing and women refugees are sneakier) forget Farsi, learn Spanglish, are starved and terrorized by drug gangs before being infected with ebola and then transported by coyotes (or foxes or honey badgers depending on their political preferences) to smuggle them into the united states via a secret tunnel that pops then up in the prairie lands with a child of their choice over the border.

This will of course not end the world, but it does make watching Fox news more like the Sy Fy channel.

Is the world ending soon? We are sure it is on the horizon. Grandmothers are still making potato salad with mayonnaise and poor food preparation practices. All it takes is one picnic on a sunny day to end life as we know it.

Remember to buy a copy of the book. And more importantly, remember to vote!

End of the World Mooning Us

It is comforting that the end of the world is here again. This week, tax day for us in the USA, the Moon will be eclipsed. This event is also called a blood moon. Eclipses of the Moon are not rare, occurring at least twice a year. What is different this year is that their will be four lunar eclipses. As anybody that follows the end of the world, anything that happens rarely is bait for doomsayers.

The primary doomsayers this week are of course Christian. The Bible mentions the Moon going red as part of the end of the world, thus if there are four red Moons in a year (a tetrad), obviously the world will end.

Here at Boys Books, we know that there is only one way to respond to the end of the world, sell more books! Right now, until we raise prices, both the print and Kindle editions of Boys Book of Armageddon are for sale on Amazon. Here are the links (note that the Kindle edition is FREE if you own a Kindle ).

Before you click on your choice below, we at Boys Books would like to do a quick public service announcement: You can go blind if you try to watch a lunar eclipse during the day! Yes, we know that Neil deGrasse Tyson would be rolling in his grave if he were dead and he read blogs like this whilst decomposing. The good news is that lunar eclipses only happen at night! Click here for viewing instructions.

Print Edition (FREE shipping for Prime members)

Kindle Edition (FREE on Kindle devices)

The only reason to wear sunglasses is if you need to look cool as the world ends (not endorsed for lunar eclipse watching unless you have exceptional night vision and only wear them while sitting down).

Comet ISON: Panic Now in Progress

You heard it here first, Comet ISON is coming to our Earth. Comets have long been feared, though never successful in their threats, the panic is still very real. You are about to get flooded with news from the comet doomsayers and anti-doomsayers.

Comets need to be bright to be feared, and ISON will be very very bright. You should be able to see it during the day. so that means not only will insomniacs be panicking, so will those of us stuck in traffic because of accidents caused by rubbernecking amateur astronomers that can't multitask texting, driving and comet observing.

The real fun is when it starts raining comet! You heard right, comet rain. The Earth will bump into ISON's tail and we will get a slow rain of ISON stuff. This is much different than shooting stars we see because of comet dust burning up in our atmosphere. This comet fluff will be gently dropping into our atmosphere. The chicken littles will be out in force to tell us that poison and diseases will safely reach Earth and kill us all.

Seeds or spores from space is one of the popular theories. Imagine millions of seeds blown across the galaxy and hitching a ride on a comet. When the Earth passes through the comet's tail, seeds of shambling carnivorous alien plants will start sprouting (see the documentary, Day of the Triffids).These alien visitors will be roaming the countryside looking for souvenirs to take back to their home planet. Thousands will die from triffid tourist rage as they are cranky vacationers. The carnage will continue until a scientist figures out how to kill them with shaving cream and a paddle ball.

Disease will be the scariest of all. Alien bacteria is not pretty (read the scholarly paper written by a crack scientist at the Cardiff offices of Torchwood).

Here is a link to the original news about how the comet will cause the deadly rain. The article mentions nothing about death and disease, zombies, or carnivorous plants - we wouldn't expect that, would we? Not an oversight on the reporter's part, just the usual coverup and conspiracy.

Any of your friends work for a media outlet (i.e. reporters or the Daily Show), please tell them about the danger and this blog. More importantly, let them know I am pushing my book and happy to tell them about the latest end of the world.

Today's Experiment: Snotty Comet

In todays experiment, lets prove that comets, though cold as ice (because they are made from ice), can transmit sickness. Here are the steps:

1. Get a few ice cubes.  
2. Contaminate the ice cubes (rub them on your dirty socks, your dog's butt, or just sneeze on them).
3. Put the ice cubes in your sister's ice tea.
4. Wait and observe your sister.

Note, if you sister does not show symptoms right away, just show her these instructions and nod meaningfully in the general direction of her empty glass of tea. She'll get sick soon enough. Wear a rain coat and keep a puke bucket nearby!

Gummy-9 or Responsive biomimetic networks from polyisocyanopeptide hydrogels

Been a long time since the staff at Boys Books, Armageddon Desk, have decided to post a new blog. Frankly we are still in our spider hole. If anybody up there in the real world is still there, how's it going with the Mayans as your new overlords? Is it hard to clean Quatzequatel poop off your windshield? Will Valentines day really rip your heart out?

The real reason to blog today is that a prediction we made has almost come true, Gummy-bear-9 9or gummy-worm-9 depending on your persuasion), a mythical gummy bear that when added to water water would turn it all to jelly.

According to a new paper, the evil substance is upon us. Even with Mayan over site, scientists have been busy creating new ways for the world to end.

Just 2.2 pounds (1 kilogram) new material can turn an olympic-sized swimming pool into jelly. For grins and giggles (because being in a spider hole requires an extra attempt at humor) we looked up how much water is in an olympic sized swimming pool: 2,500,000 Liters or 550,000 imperial gallons or 660,000 USA gallons.

To jelly up Lake superior, it would take ten billion pounds of gummy polymer.

Oh the horror!

But wait, would it really take 10,000,000,000 pounds?  This new polymer works when the mixture is heated, so really the polymer would only form on the surface of the water in the summer. We don't need much to muck up the world, just a layer of scum that prevents oxygen and a little light from passing the surface barrier. Look at oil slicks, but stuff with just a little oil. So, let's try that again and say one inch of scum on Lake superior would only take 34 thousand pounds of the polymer and a summer's day. Much easier to imagine!

Now, imagine a few million pounds of the stuff being shipped anywhere in the world via ship on lakes, rivers, or ocean. Imagine the disaster! You might not even know the extent until a little global warming enters the picture. It would be bad! Very bad! Worse because there would be no flavoring, sugar, or cute little gummy bear shapes, just a fishy gummy scum as far as the eye could see.

The end result is fish and bird deaths. Plankton failures at sea. America's Cup racing will seem even more pointless. Beach combers will become Fish Gummy farmers. End of the world in three weeks because of the financial collapse triggered by Disney's losses of Disney Cruises.

Remember, you heard it here first. End of the world is around the corner.

On a side note, can someone email us if the Mayans are still taking revenge? We ran out of Cheetos last week and are ready to come out for at least a run to the Quicky Mart.

TEOTWAWKI

At last, an acronym of the end times that avoids the song copyright police. TEOTWAWKI, which I can't spell out for fear lawyer from the band REM comes for us in the dead of night. You can go here so see a safe explanation without fear of Rapid Eye Movement or Tolstoy Edited Oscar Wild And Willy Knows Ivan.

Free kindle edition today!!!!!

Religious happiness comes for free when they enter the gates of Heaven. Why bother aiming for utopia when you get it for free when you die? Doomsayers aren’t in this for the glory of being a peacemaker, solving world hunger, or making people wealthy and happy. They just need to be sure they die with their scorecard properly tallied on the winning side.

Compromise isn’t what the religious do. The world is not perfect, so why not destroy it? David wants to kill Goliath. God hates Goliath, so go ahead. It’s too much trouble to make friends out of your enemies. It’s too much trouble to make lemon-aid from life’s lemons. 

Stop recycling, it’s all going to be incinerated anyway. Snub your sinful neighbor, he’s already on the list. Join the Republican Party, they are on the winning side when there are no sides. Rip it off quick like a bandaid.

World Ended - Too bad, I was on vacation....

The world ended over the weekend. Sorry to tell you so late, but here at Boys Book, we were on vacation in Australia and in particular on the wonderful Kangaroo Island. Kangaroos, wallabies. wombats and extra cute wallabies have protected us down here from the end of the world. If you lived in the northern hemisphere, sorry.

No. really!!! We are sorry! We may have been protected down here, standing on our heads, but in the North, you all didn't even get Armageddon! How unpleasant for you that there were no four horsemen, plagues, torture etc. Just another day.

Jose Luis De Jesus (i.e. the best name for a savior ever), leader of Growing in Grace International Ministry and Jesus impersonator, has already gained super powers and most of the world is dead and doesn't know it.

Mr Jesus, who often dresses as Captain Bang from the Pirates of Penzance
or for a dinner party with black tie required, has been declaring his second coming for quite some time. Unfortunately mostly Mexico and Canada seemed to be the only ones that knew about all of this (Senior Jesus is from Puerto Rico which as you may remember from the Bible is the second holy land). We think the rest of us have been preoccupied with Bird Flu, Mayans, and Harold Camping to be bothered by a Mexican savior named Mr Jesus.

On the other hand, we are impressed. Mr Jesus has some of the best video candy of the coming apocalypse we have ever seen with English subtitles. Take a look at the following video. You'll start drooling for more! We can hardly wait for Mr Jesus to come back for one more curtain call and perhaps a Daytime Emmy award for the best End of Days category. We'd add a Grammy for best ear splitting Germanic opera theme too.

Ten Reasons to be a Survivalist Hoarder

Ten Reasons to be a Survivalist Hoarder

1) Because when you go off your diet, you won't be tempted to eat the cardboard flavored ready-to-eat meals.
2) Finally a reason to use the pool room!
3) What hoard?
4) Your neighbors will have a good source of food after they steal your horde.
5) You can be happy knowing that you have helped an entrepreneur that prays on the fear of borders.
6) When you catch the plague, the piles of supplies will limit your contact with the rest of the world, saving countless lives.
5) The canned Peaches can double as radiation shielding.
4) You'll be 3 months late to Heaven (and or Hell because you weren't worth saving).
3) You'll have three months of food and supplies and three months to live in a world not worth living in.
2) You'll be the envy of your neighbors when everyone on Earth is dead.
1) You can be a star on the show, Doomsday Preppers, on the National Geographic Channel!

Read the book: Boys Book of Armageddon for more great tips! http://BoysBookofArmageddon

Review Contest: Win $25 Amazon gift certificate!

Write a review for  Boys Book of Armageddon at Amazon.com and let me know here for a chance to win a $25 Amazon gift card. Be funny! Lucky winner will be announced March 11th, just in time for Daylight Savings Time (the collective time travel will end the world everywhere except Arizona).

Remember that the hashtag for twitter is #boysbooks

We have also started a classroom for Boys Book of Armageddon: Boys Book of Armageddon Google Classroom

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00687I7KE/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=wwwcluckcom-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00687I7KE

Boys Book of Armageddon and a little doom news

Boys Book of Armageddon is selling well. Time to get yours. The Kindle edition is free for those of you that own a Kindle and that have an Amazon Prime account. For the rest of you,. I've reduced the cost of the Kindle edition. The print edition is a little expensive, but you have to pay when you want something that can save you from a demon.

In terms of end of the world news. Time to catch up.

Republicans still think Obama is ending the world. This is odd because that's what they want, right? Gingrich even has an armageddon strategy. Most certainly he is running for president solely to cause Obama to be elected for a second term.

Mayans are still newsworthy with  recent articles. This one claims that we are doing it ourselves.

Finally, the anti-doomsayers are out in force. The doom to anti-doom ratio is still five to one, but expect the anti-doom to be more popular as scientists see an opportunity for more grant money.

Beat the rush and buy the eBook version of Boys Book of Armageddon before we run out of bits and bytes. And please, write a five star review. We can't buy our dog that missile silo in Nebraska without your help!

My book is FREE for the next few days on Amazon. Click here to get it now!

Siri, the iPhone Doomsayer

Siri is a great little application. Siri can find you the closest military surplus or book an appointment with your psychologist. Why not doomsaying?

"When is Armageddon?"
 Siri: I'm not aware of any meetings about Armageddon.

Damn!

Sleepy Village of the Mayan Apocalypse

There is a way to survive the Mayan gods, vengful aliens, and/or Mayan prodictions of Earth's conjuction with the center of the universe: relocate your family to Bugarach, France. Yep, that's the story!

Why would anyone think that surviving the Mayan apocalypse is best done in France? We think its baguettes. Baguettes are those long bread things that France is famous for. If you have ever had a baguette, you know that those things are wonderful fresh out of the oven, but an hour later they can be used as a replacement for diamond. They are your best defense against asteroids, demons and Mayan gods.

Apocalyptic Waffles

Ah waffles. The great thing about waffles are the little holes that hold the syrup and other goodness. Without those wonderful holes, waffles would just be square pancakes.

Waffles are also great because of the term: waffling. Wikipedia says that waffling was originally "defined as language without meaning; blathering, babbling, droning." You know it as nonsense. Also according to Wikipedia, the term waffling comes from originally from: "waff[1], a 17th-century onomatopoeia for the sound a barking dog makes, similar to the modern woof. Although the relationship between a dog's bark and indecisiveness is unclear, the inference is that waffle words have about as much meaning as the noise made by a dog barking."

Yes, waffling means 'barking nonsense'.

Waffling also means changing your mind to curry favor. Politicians waffle as often as the public opinion poles change. Waffling is about popularity. The best way to win an election is to appear to have the same opinion as a majority of your constituents. But that's a subject to cover in The Boys Book of Politics, commming soon. We want to use waffling today to talk about Cognitive dissonance.

Cognitive dissonance, is when the brain figures out it is an idiot and takes action. There are only two types of action, either you accept you are an idiot or you come up with some reason to defend remaining an idiot. No matter how much evidence is against your world view, you come up with some rationalization that lets you feel ok with being an idiot and having the same beliefs.

You might wonder why someone would rationalize their continuing to be an idiot. The answer is simple: We don't want to look like idiots. Soft of like eating waffles when you are type II diabetic. Waffles are bad for you, but that's ok because they taste so good!

In other, and totally unrelated to waffle news, Harold Camping says the Apocalypse he predicted with much hand waving was invisible. Sort of like the Grand Convergence of the planets and other predicted ends of the world, it isn't about what happens, rather how you feel when the world doesn't actually end. Harold calls it a "spiritual' apocalypse.

If May 21st 2011 isn't an apocalypse you can touch, when do we get the real 3D experience of the end of the world? According to Harold, October 21, 2011. Four months from now, we can all skip paying the utility bills, not show up to work, or leave the toilet seat up. nobody will care because nobody will be on Earth.

Here at Boys Books, we think the world ending in October, instead of May, is a good thing. We now have four months to eat those delectable waffles.

CDC and the Zombie Apocalypse

Hooray! The CDC has just started an awareness campain to prepair the public for a Zombie Apocalypse. Here's where you can get more info at the CDC.

We think this is good news. It means that you have a chance! Just stock up on canned food, water, have a first aid kit and a plan. Of course it helps to have a herding dog. Herding dogs don't bite their flock. Herding zombies with a sheep dog is safer for you and your dog.

Sadly the CDC fails to point out this very important information. That's ok, just order our book and listen to the CDC for further details

I survived May 21. 2011

Hooray! I am damned. Too bad everyone else is too.

Everyone on the Earth today, including the great Harold Camping, seems to be 'left behind'.

That's good news because there is still time for you to read my book. Here is the final cover!

May 21st, 2011: Christians, please send me your money

Yes, we are close to another end of the world. This time the doomsayer is Harold Camping. According to his math, the end of the world starts May 21st, 2011. At that time, all the good Christians will be instantly in Heaven and the rest of us will be left behind.

To make things easier, please contact me as soon as possible to turn over all your money, homes, cars, boats, etc. As you will soon be in Heaven, you won't need any of these things. We here at Boys Books Publishing are fairly sure we are out of luck and could really use your stuff during the end times.

You might ask, "Why should I give a sinner all my stuff?" Well, think of it as 1) a sign of your faith that you are so sure that the end is upon us, you are willing to take out a bet of all your wealth. 2) All the sinners are going to die in very messy and tortuous ways, and it will be even worse if we are so obviously greedy by owning your stuff. 3) Donating to your church or cult is silly because everyone else you know will be in Heaven anyway.

We are also happy to adopt and care for your animals too. God has no room for pets, just the deformed monsters you read about in Revelation. If your pet isn't a sheep with many eyes inside and out, why not keep them safe by signing over your goods now along with your pets. That way we will have a few resources to care for your pets.

The end is near! Please act as soon as possible so that the check clears before the 21st!!!

Dangerous Airwaves: Harold Camping Refuted and Christ's Church Defended

Bruce the Doomsayer on History Channel

Bruce Bueno de Mesquita (Bruce the Good Mosquito), gets credited on Brad Meltzer's Decoded: 2012 for predicting that the world will end in 2012. Once again, the History Channel does not seem to be able to actually talk to the man. We believe he is in a CIA bunker.

We were finally able to hear Bruce's voice, but at TED. Here is the video:Bruce Bueno de Mesquita predicts Iran's future | Video on TED.com. Not exactly doomsaying, but interesting. There is another video on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart that is at least funny.

We just ordered Bruce's last book: The Predictioneer's Game: Using the Logic of Brazen Self-Interest to See and Shape the Future. There is a lot of info in this book that would let you do what Bruce does, predict doom. We have our own end of the world prediction software half written!

Oddly, the key part of Bruce's technique is game theory. We would have preferred pseudoscience or religion. We would have been happy with throwing the finger bones of a hanged man too. This math stuff gets in the way of fear, uncertainty, and doubt you need for proper doomsaying. How do you get people to run naked and screaming in the streets when the result is 2.3.

Spilt Llama Milk

In the blog, Science Not Fiction, the author talks about the Mayan end of the world scenario being upset by the new evidence that the end of the Mayan calendar is wrong. In fact they stated: “Sorry if that hurts book or video sales.” Well, I thought they were talking about me, so this is what I wrote to them:

Apology accepted! But don’t cry over spilt llama milk or overcooked Guinea pigs, the Mayan calendar extending 50 years or so will be a boon. That’s 50 years more of second guessing!

If the Mayan calendar is already over, that just means the Christians and other cults can own the end of the world.

I’d prefer vengeful aliens myself. Seeing really cool aliens in my final moments would be a great way to end the world. Much more fun and like the movies, a hero will likely save us. With Mayans and Bibles, your odds are not nearly as good.

So far my book sales have been great. I have not sold any copies, still in the throws of final edits, but that’s pretty good sales considering. Nearly as good as the odds of a massive solar flare or the explosive release of methane from the arctic permafrost or a cat vectored Pneumonia – I expect the media (Fox) to call it Pnurrmonia.

I hope the end of the world be interesting! Something to tell your grandkids.

It is always great to post comments to blogs. It gives us a warm fuzzy to imagine that anyone reads the comments.

Ending the World, May 21st, 2011 Again!

There are so many doomsayers. Today we bring back an old date with a new baby-boomer (add that to your urban dictionary). Allison Warden, does her doomsaying from a Subaru. My guess is that you need the all-wheel-drive to get to Heaven. 

Allison is not the originator of doom, just a follow of the master doomsayer, Harold Camping. Remember Harold? We have written about him before. Harold was one-upping the Mayans with his date to end the world a bit earlier.

I read about Allison at The Washington Post. Josh Shaffer wrote about her in a great piece that I am sure will get a pulitzer. Of course, only if the world really does end. You have to get a posthumous Pulitzer if you interviewed a doomsayer that was correctly predicting the end of the world, right?

Anyway, we decided to head to the website that Allison was pushing by having it in huge letters of her white Subaru. Head to http://www.wecanknow.com and let us know what you think.

We saw all the books and general doomsaying and decided that they seem to have their act together. So much so, we thought they would be a great source of information and decided to ask a few questions. Here is the letter we sent:

Greetings. 

I am writing a book on the end of the world and Armageddon. It is called, "The Boy's Book of Armageddon".  I really believe that there is a great need for the young to understand that they will never grow older and the reasons why. 

I was wondering if you would comment on your own experience writing about the end of the world. 

In particular, how do you deal with the comments from children? What if they are afraid they will not be chosen? 

What's your message when people see the end of the world as an excuse for shedding their mortal coil early?

In a similar way, do you find that there is a tendency to procrastinate and just wait for May, 2011 and not fulfill their earthly obligations?

In terms of your prediction that the world will end in fire, do you base this on God's covenant to Noah that flooding will no longer be used as a device to eliminate the Godless heathens? Or, is your concept based on the various violent scenarios in the New Testament? 

Your opinions are important to me. Thank you for your time. 

We will update you when they reply.